


Heat

by Kate_Shepard



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Hemipenes, Porn, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Semi-Public Sex, Shameless Smut, Shrios
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-24
Updated: 2016-10-01
Packaged: 2018-05-28 17:38:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6338749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kate_Shepard/pseuds/Kate_Shepard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Garrus is busy "calibrating" and Thane is there for Shepard as she tries to pull her world back together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> BioWare owns the Mass Effect universe and all characters. I just play with it for my own entertainment.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard is having a difficult time dealing with the consequences of her death and resurrection. Thane comforts her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've seen some things about Thane being reptilian and, therefore, having hemipenes and thought I would explore this idea.

Shepard was angry with Garrus. She knew it wasn't fair. She knew he'd been through something horrible and that, deep down, he was in pain and that he blamed himself for the death of his men. She knew all of this logically and hurt for him. That didn't make his constant brush-offs easier to bear and it didn't ease her own sense of betrayal and loss. Garrus was the one she'd most wanted to get back. He wasn't just a crewmate. He was her best friend. They used to talk about everything. And now, when she needed him most, they talked about nothing. She'd understood the first few times he said he was busy. She knew he needed some time and space to process everything. But it had been months and he hadn't spoken to her outside of a mission and he knew her routine. He knew she made the rounds of the crew every day. He also knew he was the only real friend she had left and, from the sound of it, she was his. So why was he giving her the cold shoulder?

"Come on, Garrus," she said, holding up her peace offering and trying not to let her voice give away the feelings that were threatening to swamp her. "I know you're busy, but surely you can take a minute and drink a beer with me." She had picked up his favorite dextro beer back on Illium in the hopes that seeing Liara would remind him of old times before everything changed. Or maybe that seeing how much Liara has changed would snap him out of his funk and make him realize that they were all each other had left. It hadn't happened that way. 

She had gotten very good at reading his expressions during the hunt for Saren and now irritation--actual, real irritation--flashed across his face. "Can it wait, Shepard? I'm--"

"In the middle of some calibrations," she said, defeat flattening her tone. "I know. I'll leave you to it."

He turned back to the console and his, "I'll be here if you need me," sounded like a lie. He didn't see her face fall or her shoulders slump because she'd effectively been dismissed--on her own ship, no less--and she no longer existed in his world. She swallowed past the hard lump in her throat and squared her shoulders. There would be crew in the mess and she knew Zaeed had surveillance set up outside of the main battery. Damned if she would let any of them see her moment of weakness. The lump wouldn't go down and it threatened to choke her, especially when she saw Gardner of all people giving her a pitying look as she returned the dextro beers to the cooler she had special-ordered in the hopes that Garrus' and Tali's food would go there. So far, it had some turian food but none of the odd quarian stuff because Tali, like the rest, wasn't there.

She was on a ship easily twice the size of the SR-1 and staffed accordingly. She was surrounded by people. Her ground team was already almost twice the size of the last one. The only other times she had ever felt so alone in her life were on Akuze after the thresher maw finished off her entire unit and hanging in the middle of space over Alchera feeling her air hiss out of the back of her suit. Even the news of her impending visit to the barren planet had gotten nothing more than a 'You sure about this, Shepard?' from Garrus. He hadn't even offered to go down there with her and he was the only person on this ship that she would have considered allowing to accompany her.

The old _Normandy_ had been as much his as hers and he'd known the crew that had been lost. She'd wanted him by her side, to have someone who'd walked those grated decks and known those polished metal surfaces, who'd known the names of the fallen crew she'd found scattered among the rubble even though most of their frozen, sightless bodies had been unrecognizable but for the dog tags she'd collected. _Meat and tubes_ , she thought. She understood now what Jacob had meant. The bodies had burned on entry to the planet's atmosphere and had subsequently frozen on Alchera's frigid surface. Just getting the dog tags off of them and moving their remains into the sleeper deck where they could at least rest in the shelter of the ship they'd all loved had been a horrifying test of her sanity. And she'd done it by herself.

If the whole crew had been new, she'd have insisted on doing it alone as the shattered _Normandy_ wasn't their _Normandy_ and the lost crew wasn't their crew and it was her duty and responsibility as their captain to go there and to face it, to lay them to rest as best she could, and to look into each of their blackened faces and say that she was sorry. But Garrus had been one of them and it was as if he'd forgotten them. Their loss, two years distant for him, had been overshadowed by his losses on Omega. He couldn't seem to see that they were going through a similar thing because, while she took care of the crew that was going to help her get revenge for her lost and stop the Collectors from doing this shit to anyone else, he didn't give a shit about the needs of the one person that they both knew damn well was going to be helping him with his own quest for justice or revenge or whatever the hell it was that had him so obsessed.

It was petty, she knew, that she'd stopped taking him on missions where only one additional teammate was needed. She'd never left him behind before but the truth of the matter was that she no longer trusted him to watch her six on his own. Maybe when his mind was clear and he came back to himself some, maybe when he looked at her and saw her rather than a means to an end, then she'd be able to do it. But that permanent spot at her six meant being there for her both on and off the battlefield and he hadn't done that in a long time. So, when Cerberus gave her the intel to give to Liara and they'd gone after the Shadow Broker, it hadn't been Garrus who'd watched her back even though she'd wanted one more fight with her favorite team. Leaving him behind had been a statement to herself that the "old times" of which he and Joker were so fond of referencing were gone just like everything else.

It wasn't the fear she felt when she put on a breather helmet or the nightmares that woke her dragging deep gulps of air into her lungs that threatened to choke her now. It was the bone-deep sense of loss. The only things she still had from before were her battered helmet and dog tags, her pilot, her doctor, and the shell of her favorite turian. Tali went home to the Migrant Fleet. Wrex went home to Tuchanka. Liara was holed up on the Shadow Broker's ship with the friend she barely knew. Kaidan turned on her. Joker was still there but he was a friend she could joke around with, not one she could actually talk to. She cared about Dr. Chakwas but they hadn't exactly been friends before and, while that seemed to be changing, she couldn't open up to her without the doc worrying. Garrus was all she had left from her old life and he was just as changed and hollow as everything else. There were times when she wondered if they'd all left because they sensed something she didn't recognize. Garrus knew her better than anyone. His rejection fed into her fears that she wasn't really who she thought she was, that she was a clone or a VI or gods only knew what that thought it was Commander Shepard and he just didn't want to tell her that she wasn't the woman he'd known and served with before.

She still didn't know how Cerberus had managed to bring her back. What she did know was that she still didn't trust them. Miranda was the Illusive Man's puppet and she couldn't bring herself to open up to the woman. There was something about Jacob that made her uneasy. Samara held everyone at a distance due to her Code. Kasumi seemed nice enough but she was still so damn young even after all she'd been through. Jack and Zaeed were, well, Jack and Zaeed. Grunt just wanted to stomp things. Mordin was too analytical and jumpy for a true conversation. She didn't really trust any of them yet and they didn't trust her.

The only exception there was Thane. She found it slightly ironic that the cool, reserved, introverted, and somewhat disdainful drell assassin was the one who actually seemed to welcome and enjoy her company as more than a chance for idle gossip like Kasumi or to brag on himself like Zaeed. There was something about his presence that soothed her and brought her peace. It was, therefore, him that she sought when she felt the need to lick the wounds on her soul. Otherwise, she'd go up to her cabin and wallow in self-pity and that wouldn't do anyone, including herself, any good.

He didn't turn when she entered. He didn't need to. He had her footfalls pegged from the moment she walked past the elevator, if not before. It also helped that, as far as she knew, she was the only one who ever came to him. She couldn't keep the slight waver out of her voice this time when she asked, "Have you got a minute?" He'd only told her no once and that was when she'd come by while he was in the midst of his morning meditations prior to going out on what she'd expected to be a long mission but she thought that if he did so today, this white hot ball she couldn't swallow was going to demand to be released and she couldn't bear the thought that Garrus Vakarian hurt her feelings and made her cry. She was a goddamn Spectre. She was made of tougher stuff than that.

"Of course," he said and gestured to what she'd come to think of as her chair. He cocked his head slightly and his brow ridges flickered. "You are troubled." It wasn't a question. It was a statement of fact. He'd been trained to pick up on little nuances like a slight shift in vocal tone.

She sat and sighed. "It's nothing," she lied. It seemed such a trivial thing to complain to him about. So she was lonely. His wife was dead. He was dying and she knew all too well the agony that he would face in the coming year. What room had she to complain? But he simply clasped his hands and fixed those dark eyes with their hidden emerald irises on her and waited. She recognized the tactic. It was one she'd used herself. But Thane had far more patience than she did. She ran her fingers through her hair and let her forehead rest in her hands. She didn't know how to explain it to someone else. It had been so long since anyone asked her anything about herself. Hell, she thought it was kind of sad when the Illusive Man was the only one who ever checked in with how she was doing and gods knew he wasn't doing it out of the kindness of his heart. She doubted he even had one. Miranda already knew everything about her. She didn't need to ask. No one else bothered. That was how it was before as well. Liara knew her pretty completely because she joined with her mind. No one else asked. Even Garrus never asked anything personal about her and he was a damn cop. She would have thought there would be at least a little bit of curiosity there.

Her chuckle had just enough bitterness in it to turn it into a scoff and she said, "You know, I know my crew inside and out. I know what makes them tick. I know their history, their hopes, their dreams, everything down to the way they take their coffee. It's helpful because I need to know how each of you will react on the ground no matter what situation. Sometimes, though, I marvel at my crew's willingness to essentially trust a virtual stranger to lead you all into hell. I know all of you. None of you truly know me. Isn't that a bit dangerous?"

"Why do we not know you?" he queried.

She glanced up. "No one ever asks." She had to try to swallow past that steel ball in her throat again as something in her chest squeezed. To her horror, her eyes began to burn. She was supposed to avoid self-pity here, not indulge it. She was just questioning so many things now. It felt like the cowl had been removed from her eyes.

She had a loyal crew, yes. They didn't hesitate to mutiny with her when she stole the first _Normandy_ and they didn't once express doubt in her ability to get to Ilos. Garrus and Liara rushed headlong through the Conduit and into the Battle of the Citadel with her and Liara and Tali remained by her side when the rest of the non-human crew disbanded. Tali had stayed for the geth. Liara was still analyzing all of the Prothean data they'd recovered on Ilos. A loyal crew didn't necessarily mean she had friends, though. Garrus was here because she saved his ass and he needed off of Omega and was unwilling to go home. He was also smart enough to realize that what began as the hunt for Saren wasn't over and militaristic enough to see it through to the end. To the rest, she was somebody they used to know, somebody they could come to if they needed help rescuing a crazy guy on Pilgrimage or to go hand-to-hand with the massive yahg that was the Shadow Broker or...well, who knew what Wrex would ask. He'd probably demand that she cure the genophage. Her "friendships," she was coming to realize, were pretty one-sided. The only person who'd actually called her friend was currently sitting in front of her. Everyone, including Liara, had moved on with their lives and, Garrus' mistake with Sidonis notwithstanding, had improved their station in her absence. They didn't need Shepard the person. They needed Commander Shepard the Spectre and Reaper killer. Without that, she was nobody. She was just a good soldier who had the uncanny ability to build loyalty among her crew to the point where they'd follow a virtual stranger into battle based on nothing more than her confidence, her skills, and her absolute willingness to die for them. They knew the mask and that was what they followed. No one really knew the person beneath. No one cared to except for the drell in front of her. Something, in this moment of realization, solidified inside of her. She wanted so much more than a start here.

Aloud, she said, "I died and I came back and everything has changed. For me, it's only been a few months since we took down Sovereign. One moment, I was struggling in the void above Alchera. The next, I was on a table with a battle raging around me and everyone I ever cared about was gone and strangers had taken their place. In some ways, it's lonelier than the void. Everything I did, I accomplished because of the crew I had behind me. Now, I'm supposed to do something even bigger and you're the only person who seems to be glad that I'm here beyond what I can do for him. You aren't the only one who is just a weapon for someone else's use. I just didn't realize it until now. Is it always this lonely?"

"Yes," he answered simply. "Acceptance of the fact can make room for fulfillment by other means but it does not make it any less solitary an existence. However, you are no longer alone unless you choose to be. I am here for you Shepard." Unlike Garrus' earlier declaration, this had the ring of truth to it.

She noticed then that he looked more pensive than normal. "Are you all right?" she asked.

He hesitated. "I do not wish to burden you. I realize that you are stretched thin at the moment and everyone has need of you. I do not want to add myself to the list of people who demand of your time."

"Thane," she said, "friendship means sharing. If all I do is take from you, then I'm no more your friend than anyone else here is mine."

He hung his head and relented. She could see that it was difficult for him to tell her of his family and his fears for his son. He didn't want to ask for her help but he did want her help. She was more than willing to give it. He didn't need it. He could deal with this himself and do so easily. He wanted her help. He didn't want to do this alone. He wanted a friend by his side. This was one personal favor that she didn't mind giving her assistance. Thane gave and took. She told him she'd help him and could hear the relief and gratitude in his voice. He then asked if she'd ever been married and she thought it was the first personal question anyone on any of her crews had ever asked of her.

"No," she told him. "The Alliance has regulations against fraternization and I don't think I could share my life with a civilian. My home is aboard warships. It always has been. I'd be just as lost in a regular domestic life as you were."

"Your family was military then?" he asked.

"My mom is with the Alliance," she said, looking at the display holding his weapons. It looked remarkably similar to her own selection but for individual modifications. "She's...really sweet. She's everything a mom should be but we...we haven't been close since my dad died right after I joined up. She didn't handle losing him well and she closed off for a long time. She didn't come back until the year after Akuze and I'd already dealt with that alone. I couldn't exactly forgive her for..." she trailed off, realizing that finishing that sentence might not be the most comforting thing to say to him right now.

He finished for her, "For losing herself in battle sleep."

"Yeah," she conceded. "Thane? I don't want to tell you how to raise your kid but when you find Kolyat, don't pretend it didn't happen. She never talked about it and that made it a lot harder to let go. I lost my dad and my mom at the same time and she tries to act like that period just doesn't exist. It doesn't work that way. I could have forgiven my mom a lot easier if she'd just admitted she got lost."

He didn't reply, at least, not verbally. Instead, he reached out almost hesitantly and cupped her cheek. His hand was surprisingly smooth. It was certainly smoother than her more calloused ones. The fused fingers felt strange against her still-sensitive skin but it was the first time anyone had initiated touch with her without a medical purpose behind it in years. It was comforting but there was more to it than just that and she found herself leaning in to the contact. She was a very tactile person. She communicated a lot through touch. A hand on a shoulder, a hug, an elbow bump and a grin were all ways that she told her people she was there for them. It had been a long time since anyone had done that for her. Even Liara's hug on Ilium was more for Liara's benefit than Shepard's. This, though, was all for her and she let her eyes drift closed to absorb the novel sensation of receiving comfort. The only warning she got was a subtle shift of his hand that tipped her chin up and then his lips were brushing over hers.

It was gentle, friendly even, at first. Then her own hands drifted up to smooth over his chest and, rather than push him away, her fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt. He tilted his head, fitting his mouth more fully over hers and she felt the warmth of his tongue on her lips. They parted on a groaning sigh and then the world narrowed to, as he put it, the taste of another's tongue in her mouth. His hand slid along her jaw to thread into her hair and she felt his other arm come around her waist. The band that was locked around her chest and threatening to deny her the ability to breathe loosened and warmth flooded through her. Her own hands slid up his toned chest and over his muscular shoulders to circle behind his neck and she felt a rumble like the purr of a big cat as her body pressed fully against his.

What had begun as comfort transformed into something else entirely as the air evaporated in her lungs. His hand splayed over her lower back and the other tightened in her hair. The lump in her throat broke on a moan and she rose onto tiptoe to help compensate for her lack of height and bring herself closer to him. He turned them like they were dancing and then there was a moment of weightlessness before he released her hair and caught them. The cot creaked in protest at the sudden burden of their combined weight but they registered and dismissed the sound. His lips were trailing down her throat and her head fell back to allow him access as he found the sensitive spot on the side of her neck.

His name on her lips sounded like a plea and he answered by gently nipping at her skin. Electricity shot through her and she heard herself cry out as she arched up against him. She couldn't breathe. She was breathing too fast. The butterflies that had made occasional appearances in her stomach since he showed up were a storm now and her heart was racing. His knee drew up between her legs and pressed against her. Her hips rocked shamelessly, seeking...more. She wanted him to bury himself in her. She wanted to hear the slap of their bodies as they came together. She wanted to hear the breath groaning in his chest as his own desire raged inside of him.

His movements were deliberate and hers were frantic as she pushed at the leather that was so artistically molded to his torso. He released her with his hands but his mouth didn't as he helped by sliding the armored garment off as she tugged at his shirt. She wanted his bare skin...scales...whatever against her. Her hands glided up his torso. His scales were so smoothly fitted into each other that it didn't seem to matter which direction she touched. He leaned back and his muscles rippled as he pulled the shirt off and she reached up to trace the mossy stripes lining his emerald skin like a series of tribal tattoos. She couldn't help but bite her lip at the sight of his perfectly sculpted upper body. He was a work of art and she was suddenly self-conscious.

Her scars hadn't yet healed and she was a motley patchwork of reconstructed skin and unnerving glowing orange seams. She'd have felt bland in comparison to him in any case but now, in light of his physical perfection, she felt more like a broken vase clumsily pieced back together than ever. She knew Miranda's work was anything but clumsy but the image of a shattered vessel still remained. His brow furrowed slightly as he contemplated her reaction. He likely thought at first that his own difference was the cause but she knew there was no mistaking the way she was drinking in the sight of him.

His lips quirked and his hand gently stroked her face. "You are so lovely, Shepard," he whispered and he was almost leisurely in his exploration now as his lips gently traced the lines on her cheeks and brow. He'd figured out her hesitation and his reassurance helped. She didn't protest when his fingers found the hidden buttons of her collared shirt and parted it like water. They were gentle as they flowed over her collarbone and down her chest. His thumbs grazed her nipples and he registered her sharp gasp. She pressed into his hands as they covered her breasts and tested the weight and pliability of them. She forgot the scars and wrapped her arms around him to feel the play of muscle in his back as he moved, framing her ribcage before trailing down to her taut belly.

He reached her waistband again and her nails skittered across his scales as she cried out, "Thane!" Her legs drew up to cage him and he flipped open the catch on her pants before she heard the hiss of the zipper drawing down. He hadn't even touched her yet and her body was riotous with desire. Then his hand slipped beneath the band of her underwear and his finger slid over her and her harsh cry echoed off of the metal bulkhead. His mouth came down to cover hers and he drank in her cries as her hands flew over his skin. She didn't know where to touch to draw the same reaction from him but when they brushed over the bright red ribbing of his jaw, his free hand fisted in her hair. She tore her mouth from his and licked under his throat. Fused fingers plunged into her and her body bowed.

She was desperate now and they were both wearing too many clothes. Her hands were trembling with need and her fingers fumbled with the clasps and buckles on his pants. Her knuckles brushed his belly and he hissed in a breath. Her mouth was exploring the velvety skin of his jaw and throat and she could taste his inhalation. His fingers moved inside of her like a song and her hips rocked to meet his motions. She could feel the tightening in her body signaling that she was close as his thumb found the nub above her entrance and she bit down, holding his throat with her teeth. He pulled away and his mouth closed over her nipple. The rasp of his tongue against it sent pleasure exploding inside of her like the light from the Conduit.

She pushed at his pants while simultaneously trying to wiggle out of her own. Her release only increased her desire. It did not sate it. She didn't just need release. She needed completion. This was still too one-sided. She needed this to be something that took them over together. She needed to know that she was not standing alone against the coming storm. She needed to give back to him what he'd given to her. If they were on a bed, this would be the point where she flipped him over but the confines of the cot didn't allow for that so she made do by sliding her hands beneath the waistband of his pants and cupping his firm, bare ass before sliding them around and over his hips to push his pants down.

He cupped her face, forcing her to look into his dark eyes. "Shepard, are you sure?" he asked. "Drell are built...differently from human males. I am reasonably certain we are compatible but I do not wish to make you uncomfortable."

He looked so serious and so concerned that her seeking hands stopped though she could simply move them a few inches and find out for herself. "What do you mean, different?"

He cleared his throat and asked, "How familiar are you with the biology of Earth reptiles?"

"I had a pet snake once," she answered, wondering for a moment what relevance that had. While omnivorous and warm-blooded, drell had some reptilian features. She thought back to her childhood pet. She didn't breed him but she did have to determine his sex. Her eyes widened as she thought she'd figured out what he meant. Snakes had hemipenes. "You have...two?" she asked in a voice that sounded nothing like her own.

"In a way," he said slowly and held up the fused fingers on his hand. "We...adapted."

"Oh," she said. Well, that was different but those felt amazing, so she allowed her curiosity to take hold and slowly slid the leather of his pants down over him. He was fully exposed and fully aroused and it was--they were--very much like his fingers. He must have read acceptance in her face because he took over and kicked off his pants while stripping off her own. She reached down and wrapped a hand around him and was fascinated by the way he felt. The double shafts were instantly recognizable and the skin over them was smooth. When she slid her hand over him, he groaned and his eyes closed. The tension in his jaw made her think he was gritting his teeth together. She did it again and his hips flexed slightly. It was a subtle movement but it was encouraging and she lost her hesitancy.

Shepard drew him down to her and kissed the ridged skin of his throat again and could feel the vibrations in his hyoid bone. One of his hands fisted in her hair again and the other gripped the edge of the cot so hard that the metal creaked. She drew her thumb across the soft skin between his twin heads and his entire body tensed. "Oh, Arashu. Shepard!" he called out and she felt him pulse as streams of hot fluid spurted out onto her belly.

His head dropped to the crook of her shoulder and her arms came up to embrace him. He sounded somewhat embarrassed as he groaned, "Shit. So much for stamina and control." The combination of the expletive and the following statement was so incongruous with his nature that she couldn't stop the laugh that resulted even as she was wondering how his words could hang purple in the air. She nuzzled his cheek and he turned to her with a searching look. "I apologize, Shepard. I--"

"It's fine," she assured him with a smile. "I'm just going to need a cold shower."

"I am sure that warm water would be at least as effective and far more comfortable," he said.

"Oh! That! Not for, uh, cleanup. That doesn't bother me one bit. Cold showers are used more for, um, calming things down," she told him.

He cocked his head slightly and she couldn't bite back the moan when his fingers slid over her again. "Ah," he said, sounding suddenly pleased. "I see. Well, I suppose it is fortunate then that drell are multiorgasmic."

"Could you get any more perfect?" she asked breathlessly. When his face clouded, she pulled his mouth down to hers before he could say anything.

Fused fingers were replaced by fused shafts and he glided his length along her center. Her legs locked around him and her hands slid down to grasp that perfect ass as he drew back and then slid into her. He had more girth than anyone she'd ever been with and her newly rebuilt body had to stretch to accommodate him. She realized suddenly that, in a way, this was her first time all over again and not just her first time with him or with another species. It gave a weight to the act that might not have otherwise been there. She brought a hand up to grip the pillow beneath her head.

He felt the resistance of her body and acted to counter it. His hips moved slowly, rocking gently to work him incrementally deeper. His hand covered her breast and she felt his thumb graze her nipple. His mouth joined hers and she was filled with the taste of him. The act that undid her, though, was when his free hand slid up and his fingers entwined with hers. The fit was awkward at first but they adjusted and the sweetness of the gesture as he kissed her with the same slow rhythm as his body moving within hers made her heart swell and turned this from sex to something deeper. She released his ass and instead cupped his face as her tension drained away and he finally hilted himself inside of her and paused for a moment. His hand slid from her breast up to her face and his thumb brushed lightly across her cheek. He murmured her name against her lips and she returned his in a whisper.

He began to move again, this time with long, sure strokes that sent ripples of desire coursing through her. She moved with him, using her body to increase his own pleasure and she felt the groan deep in his chest. Their hands gripped each other tightly and their tongues slid against each other as they sought ecstasy together. His characteristic patience was fully in play and, when she cried out and tried to speed their tempo, he soothed her. She lost track of time and forgot the ship around them. There was only Thane and Shepard and this universal dance of life and connection that was as old as time.

This time, when she began to gasp his name and writhe beneath him, she felt his answering tension. His pace increased and his nails dragged down her spine, bringing her up against him as she used her legs to draw him deeper still. He hesitated almost imperceptibly before drawing out and driving into her. Her body bowed tighter and she thought the strangled sound that left her was his name. Thus assured that she could handle it, he drove into her, forcing her higher as her entire being cried out to him for completion. Here was the slap of flesh against flesh, here were the groans and cries, here was the scent and rhythm and music of two lovers striving together to bring each other pleasure.

His harsh whisper grazed her ear as he said, "Chase the dawn with me, Shepard." She felt him tighten and she clung to him as she bit down on his dense shoulder to muffle the sharp sounds--not screams, never screams, Commander Shepard didn't scream anything--as they reached their pinnacle together and spiraled into the abyss.

He lowered himself onto her and rolled them so that they were side-by-side and her head rested on his chest. She could hear the odd beat of his three-chambered heart beneath her ear. The sound was as comforting as it was foreign and her arms slipped around him. He held her close and his breath whispered across her hair. She felt...sated, complete, protected, whole. She'd never been the type to associate sex with love but all of the feelings that had been building in her since he became her unlikely champion and closest friend coalesced with the physical demonstration to leave a warmth glowing within her.

She truly had been starved for affection and basic contact and the embrace in which he held her was fulfilling. She felt herself relax fully for the first time since the alarms began to sound signaling the end of life as she knew it. She suddenly realized how deeply exhausted she was and her eyes drifted closed by their own accord. His hand gently stroked her back and he whispered, "Sleep, Siha. I will watch over you." She tried to ask him what he called her but the words were too heavy and she was too tired. She decided to ask later as she felt herself slide into the first true, dreamless sleep she'd had since she woke on a table surrounded by fire and Miranda's urgent voice.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wrex throws Grunt a party and Thane and Shepard have their own celebration.

Shepard tried to keep the incredulous look off of her face and remind herself that this was the guy who had agreed to follow her into hell twice now and had already done so once. This was the guy who'd had her back since day one. This was the guy who, while having nothing to say to her personally since coming on board, hadn't once questioned the story of her resurrection or looked at her sideways or been unavailable for a mission when she'd called. With all of that in mind, she pushed down the disappointment that the reason he asked her to come down to the main battery wasn't because he finally found some time for her. No, he'd found a lead on Sidonis and he wanted her to help kill him. And she would do it, too, because she wanted her fucking friend back. She was tired of this Garrus-shaped impostor skulking around avoiding her. They were already on the way to the Citadel to find Kolyat and, as luck would have it, that was where his contact was.

Garrus had always been bloodthirsty. She couldn't help comparing him to Thane. The trained assassin felt nothing for the kills he'd made for hire and guilt for the ones he killed to avenge his wife. Meanwhile, the former C-Sec officer didn't hesitate to kill anyone who stood in his way which was something she'd tried and apparently failed to counter. They were both a study in contradictions. Perhaps if she'd been a little more bloodthirsty herself she'd have understood his reticence these past few months and would have turned to him instead of Thane. Perhaps, if she'd been more bloodthirsty, he'd have felt he could talk to her. But she wasn't. She didn't feel remorse for those she had to kill. Like Thane, she was a weapon. What weighed on her were the ones she felt she wouldn't have had to kill if she'd been better at brokering peace, the innocents, the victims. She fought, but she fought for peace. Garrus was a good counterpoint for her because he gave it to her straight and he didn't let her wallow when things went pear-shaped. His humor stabilized her. He got her and accepted her. But Thane was the one who understood her at her core and shared her values.

She agreed to help as she'd known she would but as soon as she did, he shut her out again and locked himself back in the main battery. She didn't know if his reaction was typical of a turian or just his own way of dealing with it or if their friendship had all been one-sided from the beginning. She just knew that his continued rejection stung. "Garrus," she said before the door slid closed.  
He turned to look at her. "Yes, Shepard?"  
"After this is done, we need to talk." 

\---

They saved Kolyat and she let Garrus make his choice. She tried to talk him out of it but he was a grown man and when he didn't choose to listen, well, that was his right. She agreed that the guy deserved justice and, honestly, if Garrus had presented the evidence to her in a logical fashion and asked her to dispense that justice, she'd have either taken the man out herself or turned it over to Samara. That was their job, after all. But she got that he needed to be the one to do it and that he made the call. What amazed her was just how fast Garrus turned around and was her old friend from the Saren hunting days again once Sidonis was dead. He was doing the same damn thing her mom did. He got lost in his grief and, instead of turning to her and sharing their misery, he shut her out and left her to face one of the hardest periods of her life alone. She probably would have lost it by now if it weren't for Thane. At least he was taking her advice and was discussing his defection openly with his son. She was confident that they would restore their relationship.

She went to the main battery and took a seat on the crate. Now that Sidonis was dead, his calibrations that had been so all-consuming had turned into "just killing time anyway." He propped against the console and said, "You'd mentioned that you wanted to talk."

She nodded and said, "Garrus, I know that losing your team was hard on you. I've been there. It isn't easy. I don't mean to diminish that or discount the fact that I'm glad to have you here. I just can't help but wonder if this is really where you want to be or if you just feel like you have nowhere else to go."

"Why would you think I don't want to be here?" he asked, sounding surprised.

She gestured around them and said, "You've locked yourself away in this room since you got here. You won't talk to the crew unless we're on a mission. You won't talk to me. You don't look at me and see Shepard anymore. I don't know what you see but I get the impression that you'd prefer it if I just left you alone. If that's the case, say so and I will but blowing me off until you need something is a really shitty way to treat a friend."

He shuffled his feet and looked down before looking at her again. "Shepard, I...you never said anything."

"I tried," she said. "I died, Garrus. I got spaced and I watched my ship explode while I suffocated. I can't talk to Thane about that. How can I tell him that it hurt not to be able to breathe? I can't talk to Joker. He feels guilty enough already. Karin does, too, because she was in one of the escape pods and watched it happen. You're the only one who knew me before that...you know what, never mind. That's not important. What is important is whether you're in or you're out because I don't know if we're coming back from this and I know we have no chance if we don't have everyone fully committed."

"I'm in, Commander," he said. "And, for what it's worth, I'm sorry."

"Me, too," she said with a sigh. "I wish I'd gotten there earlier."

"Not your fault," he said.

"It's not yours, either," she told him. "And, in case you're wondering, it gets better. It'll never go away. You'll still see them when you close your eyes. It does stop hurting so much eventually, though. If you need to talk about it, I'm here. I've been through it."

"Thanks, Shepard," he said as she rose. 

"I'll see you later," she said.

"I'll be here if you need me," he said and this time it sounded true.

\---

After saving Kolyat, Thane confessed his feelings for her. She wasn't surprised but she was overjoyed. She thought it was a bit too early to go throwing the l-word around but there was definitely something there that went beyond friendship and beyond lust and made his mortality less of a deal-breaker and more something she was determined to find a way to fight. The Shadow Broker's dossier on him said that he was eligible for a lung transplant but turned it down. She had to think that that decision was made when he was lost in battle sleep. He said that the hanar were working on a cure. He just needed to stay alive long enough for them to make a breakthrough.

She was still trying to figure out how to broach the subject with him. Nothing could be done until the Collectors were dealt with so she had time and, according to Dr. Chakwas, if she could get that issue dealt with quickly enough, so did he. Even if she wasn't reason enough by herself to change his mind, this burgeoning relationship with his son should be. She was a bit nervous about taking him out on missions. According to the report, any injury could cause a major setback for him and significantly reduce his time left. Fortunately, he was a sniper and he was a good one. The enemy had to find him in order to injure him.

He had gotten lucky on the Shadow Broker's base when that damn desk hit him. Even before she'd realized the depth of her feelings for him, leaving him lying there on the floor while they fought around him had been one of the hardest things she'd ever had to do for the sake of a mission. She'd had to satisfy herself with drawing that damn yahg's attention away from him when it turned to his prone form. She did kind of wish he'd been able to see the fight. She wasn't the best at hand-to-hand but she held her own against a yahg with a shield that was bigger than she was. She was pretty damn proud of that.

\---

They rescued Tali from Haestrom--thank the gods for the Cain!--and then she began dealing with the various requests from the crew for aid now that they'd seen her help Miranda, Garrus, Jack, and Thane. Tuchanka hit her hard. This was yet another reminder of just how much she'd missed.

Wrex seemed happy, and unsurprised, to see her but it was amazing how much of a difference two years could make on someone who can expect to live for millennia and had already been alive for more than half of that. There was a little bit of wonder (did she do that?) there but it was bittersweet. While everyone else was moving on and moving up, she got left behind. In a way, it was no wonder she turned to Thane instead of Garrus. Garrus was too much of a reminder of all she'd lost and how the galaxy kept on going without her.

She took Garrus onto Tuchanka with Thane and Grunt to find out what was wrong with the baby krogan. Garrus and Wrex got close during the hunt for Saren, so Thane and Grunt looked around while the three of them caught up. Wrex kept looking over at Thane and she finally called him on it. He did that creepy laugh she loved so much and said, "A drell, huh? Never did understand why species who are able to reproduce choose partners they can't do it with."

"Can you honestly see me settling down with kids, Wrex?" she asked archly. She didn't know the first thing about raising babies. Grunt was the closest thing to a kid she could ever see herself having or wanting. Then her eyes narrowed. "Hell, Wrex, is it that obvious?"

He laughed again and said, "Even if the two of you didn't keep looking around for each other every few minutes, the nose knows."

It was clear that she was lost, so Garrus cleared his throat and said, "Pheromones. Humans can't smell it?"

"Our sense of smell isn't very developed," she said, suddenly uncomfortable. It wasn't that either of them minded anyone knowing about them. Hell, she'd already had to tell Chambers to back off. It was just that they were trying to be discreet given the speed with which news traveled on a ship and the number of Cerberus members on board. She didn't want him becoming a target or the crewmembers questioning their loyalty to her because of who she chose to be with in her personal time. She was sure Zaeed and EDI knew and she knew Kasumi did because she'd already brought it up. But she didn't realize anyone else did.

"Oh. Hmm. Well, most of the alien crew but Tali can scent it," Garrus said, "and Tali knows you well enough that she picked up on it."

"Remind me to shower more," she grumbled and Wrex acted like her discomfort was the funniest thing he'd seen in centuries. It was like having a big brother with all of the teasing and none of the actual watching your back parts. But, after seeing Tuchanka, she understood why he couldn't leave.

There was a party after they completed the Rite of Passage with Grunt and dealt with the Weyrloc clan. It reminded her of old Earth vids about ancient tribal cultures and their ceremonies only with less naked women, for which she was grateful. At least, she was grateful for it until Thane found her standing on the balcony overlooking the main part of the base. She was the only one up there and it let her view the festivities without feeling like she had to join in. The last time she got drunk with Wrex, they both ended up in the med bay. They both had concussions and she had a fractured skull from the head-butting contest they got into. Her forehead was black and blue for a week. He conceded that she won even though she had more injuries because she knocked him off his barstool and he was too drunk to get back up on his own. Dr. Chakwas blistered her ears for that one. What could she say? It seemed like a good idea at the time. At least, this time, she was smart enough to stay away from the ryncol and now it was Grunt and Wrex bashing their skulls together. She was pretty impressed with the new skin and bone weaves she had. She'd barely gotten a headache from head-butting that asshole who tried to deny Grunt's Rite.

A pair of arms slipped around her from behind and she checked her instinct to drive her elbow into his abdomen long enough to let her brain register that it was Thane. His lips ghosted over the side of her neck and she hummed happily as he nuzzled behind her ear. Who knew the lethal assassin could be so sweet and affectionate? He was almost as tactile as she. He held her hand when she came in on her rounds and he had come up behind her like this before when he'd found her staring off into space...sometimes literally. They took their coffee together in the mornings now before the ship woke up and he'd stopped waiting for her to invite him up to her cabin. She slept better with him there, so he came up and slept with her. Sometimes, they did more than sleep and sometimes they just collapsed exhausted into the bed together and curled up around each other. She had her cabin modified so that the humidity from the fish tank and shower were circulated out of the room and it was now more arid than Life Support. It meant she spent a little more on moisturizer but she didn't care.

Their time together may very well be too limited to worry about the normal pace of relationships. Circumstances had forced them into hyperdrive in order to avoid missing even one moment that she may look back on later and wish she had a memory to fill the blank space. Even if it meant that he came up and sat in the room with her feet in his lap while he read or watched the fish and she worked on reports, it was still time in each other's presence.

He got his necessary alone time when she was spending time with the rest of the crew or away on missions she didn't want to risk taking him on like Pragia where it rained almost as much as Kahje. She had quite enough time alone waiting to see whether the thresher maw or the Alliance would get to her first and struggling in the dark over Alchera and throughout all of the rest of her life. If they survived and he lived long enough, she may start needing some time away from him at some point but, for now, she was just glad he was there.

"Not interested in dancing, Siha?" he asked.

"Are you drunk?" she asked. He wasn't slurring and his voice was clear but that was the only conclusion she could draw from both his lack of careful phrasing and the fact that he knew damn good and well she couldn't dance. He and Samara witnessed her attempts on Omega. She was afraid that it would be more likely to scare Morinth off rather than draw her in. Her artistry lay in other directions.

"I believe that allowing Wrex to procure a drink for me might have been an error in judgment," he conceded. "I am uncertain as to its contents."

"Describe it," she said and groaned when he did. "He gave you ryncol."

"I see," he said. "That would be why he was impressed that I am still upright and in control of my motor functions."

"Hell, I'm impressed," she told him. She'd always had a high alcohol tolerance and it was even higher now that she had all of these upgrades but ryncol had been known to put her on the floor a time or two. Certain bathroom floors in Flux and the Dark Star Lounge came to mind.

"Mmm," he said in response and nuzzled behind her ear again. "Have I ever told you how delectable you smell?"

"No," she answered absently, enjoying the way his lips felt against her neck. "Oh, that reminds me. Did you know the non-human crew can smell us on each other?"

"You didn't know?" he asked.

"No," she told him.

"Is it a problem?" he asked, nipping at the flesh below her hairline.

"No," she gasped as his hands drifted down to the waistband of her pants. One dipped inside and the other slipped under her shirt to splay across her belly. "What are you doing?" she asked.

"Indulging myself," he answered and she felt him press against her backside. His erection was straining against his leathers and the layers of fabric between them did little to hide it. "I would advise being quieter than you normally are."

"Someone will see," she protested weakly. His questing fingers had found her nub and were circling it slowly.

"Generally speaking, only children, predators, and snipers look up," he said. "We'll be safe as long as Garrus is distracted and he's busy picking off pyjaks with Zaeed."

His fingers slipped inside of her and she vaguely wondered how before realizing that he'd unfastened her pants without her realizing it. She allowed her head to fall back against his shoulder. He gave a satisfied rumble in his chest as she gave in to his ministrations and he worked on her with mouth and teeth and hands until her breath was coming in rapid gasps and the entire camp could have been watching without her being able to care. Her hands gripped the railing so hard she was sure her knuckles must be white and her hips rolled back against him.

He had her writhing in his arms within minutes but he held her relatively still with the pressure of his arms. She could no longer hold back from desperately repeating his name as her insides coiled but she did manage to keep it a whisper that only he could hear. "Thane, please," she gasped. When she turned her head to look at him, she saw his eyes scanning the gathering below. She was beyond caring, trusting him to keep what they were doing private. She wanted him inside of her and she wanted it now.

In response, he did something between them and then she felt the hot Tuchanka air bathe her ass as he bent her slightly and pulled her pants down just enough to allow him access. If anyone came up here, they'd be caught, but from below it would just look like she was leaning against the railing as he was washed in shadow and concealed by her body. She did her best to control her expression as his thick member pushed inside of her.

This was no gentle lovemaking. This was a hard, hot, fast fuck with both of them driven by both the prospect of getting caught and the challenge of not doing so. She'd never had sex in public before and it was strangely exciting. He gripped her hips tightly and drove into her relentlessly as she tried to hold herself still and keep from calling out her enjoyment for all to hear. Even the sight of Wrex scanning and then catching her eye before tapping the side of his nose wasn't enough to do more than bring heat to her face.

They finished almost simultaneously and he pulled out of her and arranged their clothing before pulling her back into him. "You entrance me, Siha," he murmured.

"What makes you say that?" she asked as she took his hands in hers and leaned her head back against his chest.

"You faced down a thresher maw today with no advance warning," he said. "I saw the look in your eyes when it appeared. You were afraid. Yet, you never faltered. You faced it like the warrior-angel you are. I know it was not easy for you."

"It wasn't the first one I've had to face," she said. "It won't be the last. It was the first time on foot, though. It wasn't pleasant but I wasn't going to let the damn thing take you and Grunt from me."

"My Siha," he said. "I am fortunate to have you."

"I'm the lucky one," she said. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Thane."

"I wish I could promise that you would never have to find out," he said sadly.

She turned so that she was facing him and put her hand on his cheek. "Hey, none of that. This is a good day."

"It is one for memories," he said with a gentle smile. "I love you, Shepard."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally planned this as a one-shot. This chapter ended up happening. I may add more from time to time.
> 
> Also, I generally tend to be very sympathetic to Garrus' feelings after losing his team. However, this story stemmed from the first time I romanced Thane instead of Garrus. It was the first time I'd really realized how much he shut her out until after she helped him with Sidonis while Thane almost always had time for her (and always does when he's her LI). In that run through, I felt like I was bugging him whenever I tried to talk to him and eventually stopped going by until Kelly said he needed to talk.  
> Garrus doesn't ask for time to deal with his losses. He's just too busy. The contrast between how much they lean on each other in the third game and the way he isolates himself in the second really hit me. A Shepard who takes her resurrection in stride--or at least pushes it down to deal with later--might be able to shrug it off and say "He just needs time," but a Shepard who is affected by everything that's happened to her and trying to deal with it might be expecting the only friend she has left from before to commiserate with her as they're both going through a difficult time and might be upset when he leaves her to deal alone while giving the impression that he's just too busy to talk to her.  
> I also realized on that same play through that, until the third game, no one ever really asks Shepard about herself. All of the conversations she has with her crew revolve around their own problems. Everyone asks her for things but no one seems to care about getting to know her. Garrus, Tali, Liara, Wrex, Kaidan/Ashley...none of them really seem to consider that she died and came back without the sense of time having passed. They just went on without her and seem to expect her to catch up without issue, which she does because she's Commander Shepard, but no one asks if she's okay so she never says whether she is or not.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to DragonDreads and Serlen for the inspiration for this chapter.

"Have I mentioned that I hate Omega?" Shepard grumbled.

"Repeatedly, Siha," Thane answered.

"I really hate Omega," she said anyway. Unfortunately, the Illusive Man kept her on a tight budget and she couldn't justify going all the way to the Citadel for supplies that could be found as easily here as they could there. The dextro rations were growing short and, of course, Aria wanted something from her. Aria always wanted something from her. She told herself it wasn't a bad thing to have the pirate queen indebted to her but that didn't change the fact that the grimy station that had once housed her own dead body made her uncomfortable. If it hadn't been for Liara's intervention, this would have been the last place she would have been seen before being taken through the Omega 4 relay where gods only knew what the Collectors had planned for her body. Thinking about it made her skin crawl.

Garrus broke off from them at Harrot's to find a piece for his visor and Thane stopped to speak to a hanar while she continued on to Kenn's Salvage. The quarian wasn't there and in his place was a batarian. That, too, made her skin crawl. She had regretted the losses of batarian lives in the Bahak System because, while she would likely never stop hating the batarian pirates and slavers, she was not small-minded enough to blame all of their race for the actions of some and there had been children in that system. She wasn't a monster. She'd tried to warn them. She was angry that she was going to have to spend what could end up being the last of her time with Thane in lockup on Earth awaiting tribunal from the very military that had turned its back on her when she'd returned but was at least grateful that Admiral Hackett was giving her time to complete her mission. That still didn't mean that she was comfortable with random batarians and especially not here. She kept half her attention on him and half on the kiosk in front of her as she placed her order. She was probably going to get screwed on the price but it was still cheaper than going to the Citadel. 

As she'd expected, the batarian tried to screw her on cost. She leaned forward on the counter as she told him she'd take her business elsewhere and that it was his loss. A shuffle behind her gave her enough warning to straighten and begin to turn when she felt the cold bite of a blade against her throat. A deep voice said, "It isn't your business we want, human." She rolled her eyes in response even as the shopkeeper pulled a shotgun from behind the counter. These batarians thought they were going to rob her. They were about to learn a lesson. As soon as she could get that knife away from her carotid. She was running through the steps in her head as he whispered, "This is for Bahak."

 _Fuck._ This wasn't a robbery. This was an ambush. She was wearing armor and weapons but she wouldn't reach her guns or activate her biotics in time and her barrier wasn't enough to withstand a shotgun blast to the face without her helmet. She was going to have to talk her way out of this one. "I don't know what you're talking about," she tried as she began to flex her hand.

"You lie, Commander Shepard," he said. "We know you were on Aratoht. We know you freed Kenson. You're guilty whether you sent the asteroid into the relay or not. You owe us blood and we plan to collect."

"You will have your blood," a familiar voice said from the shadows. Everything happened quickly after that. The batarian behind the counter fired wildly and the crack of a slug against plasteel told her that he'd missed. The knife at her throat loosened and she turned and sent a shockwave into the fleshy spot on the side of his chest, causing him to double over. She used his momentum to crack his face on the edge of the countertop. Meanwhile, a green blur had already flowed around, disarmed the shopkeeper, and broken his neck. Another shot rang out and a third batarian dropped with a neat hole between his four eyes. Thane reached the one who'd had the knife and slammed him against the wall. "I promised him blood, remember?" he asked her when she would have immolated him. He took the knife and sliced neatly through the merc's throat and let him drop. 

"Thank you guys," she said as Garrus sauntered up to them. 

"Are you all right, Siha?" Thane asked, tilting her head back to look at her neck.

"I'm fine," she said. "Word's gotten out, though."

"You are bleeding," Thane said darkly.

"It's a scratch," she assured him. "It'll be healed by the time we get back to the ship. Are you guys finished?"

"Yes," Garrus said. 

"Okay," she said with a nod. She slipped into the back of the store, took the part she'd ordered from the shelf, and deposited a credit chit for a fair price into the till before rejoining them. They were always alert on Omega but there was an extra air of attentiveness as they made their way through the squalid streets and back to the docks. There was a large batarian population here on Omega and they didn't have enough boots on the ground for a full-scale attack at the moment. Fortunately, they'd already completed their business with Aria. Kenn's had been her last stop. She breathed a sigh of relief when they reached the _Normandy_ 's airlock. She wasn't afraid of the batarians, but she was always glad to be getting off the godsforsaken rock. Garrus and Thane seemed to share her sentiment. Garrus loathed Omega for good reason. Thane seemed more shaken than she and she thought she could take a guess as to why that was. She motioned for him to follow her up to his cabin. It couldn't have been easy for him to see another woman he loved being threatened by batarians. They probably wouldn't have killed her even without his intervention but she likely wouldn't have walked away with little more than a scratch, either.

He paced in the elevator. His hands were clasped behind his back but, rather than holding them loosely as he normally did, they clenched and loosened. His entire body radiated agitation and she debated putting a hand on his shoulder. It could either soothe him or cause him to rupture at this point and she wasn't sure which. Thane wasn't volatile in general but she had learned that still waters ran deep in his case and that if one knew how to look, he was fairly easy to read even when he was holding himself in reserve. Thane's calm demeanor was a conscious one and, when he was comfortable with someone, he spoke volumes through the mere twitch of a brow or crook of his lips. He was no longer putting effort into maintaining his calm and that told her that he was now simply focused on his control. He muttered something in a language her translator couldn't pick up as the door to the lift opened. 

He followed her into her cabin and she turned to face him once he cleared the doorway. "What's wrong, Thane?"

"Siha," he said tightly, "I have followed you into battle time after time and have never felt more than a flicker of unease about your ability to control a situation and come out safely. Seeing you like...that knife...I... Blood stains the floor. Sunset colored eyes once defiant stare blankly through me, accusing. 'You were too late. Where were you?' The floor is hard against my knees. Her body limp in my arms. Cold. Lifeless. Her vitality gone. Muscle and bone exposed. Her wounds tell a story I do not want to read. My tears shimmer silver against her golden forehead."

"Stop," she said, placing her hand on his face. His eyes focused on her once more. "Stop, Thane. I am not Irikah. I'm a Spectre. And you were there this time. You weren't too late. I'm fine."

"You could have died," he said.

"I didn't," she said, searching his dark eyes with their shaded emerald irises. "I could die on any of our missions. I died once on my own ship. You said yourself that we're on a suicide mission. But I'm alive now and that matters."

Her thumb brushed the frill on his cheek and he gave a low growl as he turned and pushed her up against the fish tank. Her head fell back and her eyes closed as his lips found the spot where the knife had nicked her. As she'd predicted, it had already closed. Heat ruptured inside of her as the memory of him fighting the batarians flashed before her eyes. He turned death into a dance and it sent molten lava through her veins. His hands were rough and hurried as he popped the seals of her armor and she returned the urgency while pushing his jacket from his shoulders. The speed with which he had her naked and pressed up against the cool glass of the aquarium left her breathless and he wasted no time in lifting her and wrapping her legs around his waist. His cock slid against her once before lining up with her entrance. Her body had adapted to his size and he was able to enter her in a single stroke. 

"Skipping the foreplay?" she teased through a gasp.

"Fuck. The. Foreplay," he snarled into her neck, punctuating each word with a hard thrust that slammed her against the glass with enough force to send the fish skittering away from the impact. She gripped his shoulders for leverage but his grasp on her hips kept her from moving. She felt as if she'd been caught up in a maelstrom as he slammed home again and again and his short nails dug into the skin on her hips and his teeth closed over her shoulder. They were flat but the edges were sharp and she felt them prick her skin. He was beyond reserve, restraint, any semblance of control. She could do nothing but hold on for the ride and revel in the feeling of being truly, completely overpowered. His biotics flared over her skin like a static buzz as even that control began to falter. 

"Oh, gods, Thane!" she cried out as she arched against his hard, flickering body. "Oh, fuck. More. Please."

His pace stuttered for a moment as he registered her plea and then he was striding purposefully to the bed. He dropped them carefully onto it and then his hand was around her throat with just enough pressure to let her know that he _could_ and he growled into her ear, "Do not move, Siha."

"Oh, fuck, Thane. Please," she moaned, helplessly rolling her hips against him as she trembled with need. The knowledge that only a few minutes before, this very same hand had snapped a neck in her defense was disturbingly exciting to her.

"I said, do not move, Siha," he repeated. His fingertip glowed blue and he flicked it lightly against her center. It felt like an electric burst throughout her body and she arched into the hand around her throat. Not moving was not going to be an option at this point. Her own control had been stripped down along with his and the only drive that remained was to find ecstasy with this man. His name was a mantra on her lips as his glowing hand traveled over her body. The corona flickered and then died and she made a sound of disappointment. He only grinned wickedly down at her and thrust home once more. As he hilted inside of her, he flared his barrier. Her nails raked over his back as her body bowed and she felt scales slide from his skin but he didn't seem perturbed. He continued to piston into her, flaring his barrier on every thrust, electrifying her body. She rode the cusp between pleasure and pain as tremors wracked her body. 

"Please," she gasped, uncertain of what, exactly, she was asking of him. "Thane!"

"I love hearing my name on your lips, Siha," he said in her ear. "That does not mean I will show you mercy. You are mine, Shepard. Give me what I want." His pace sped as he began to near his own completion and she felt the smooth surface of his thumb slide over her center. It was too much, too intense for her to hold back any longer and she shattered around him. "Oh, fuck, Siha!" he groaned into her neck. His teeth locked on her shoulder and she felt him give a final brutal thrust before he spilled himself into her. 

He collapsed onto her, breathing heavily, and she wrapped her arms around his neck. "I love you, Thane," she said softly.

"And I, you, Shepard," he said, nuzzling the side of her neck. "I would not survive losing you."

"Neither will I," she whispered, feeling the crackle in his lungs against her chest.

He stiffened and moved so that he was looking down at her. "Do not say that," he said tersely. "My purpose in your life is not to destroy you."

"You think my feelings for you run shallower than your own for me?" she asked. 

"You knew that I was dying, Siha," he said. "I never hid that from you. You have known from the beginning that this does not end the way we might wish."

"It could," she said boldly.

His brow furrowed as he withdrew from her and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He propped an arm on his knee and rubbed his forehead with the other hand in a gesture he'd picked up from her. "Don't, Shepard," he said. "Do not tie yourself to false hope."

"We could have years if nothing else, Thane," she said softly. " _Years_. How could you just...give up?"

He turned his head and looked at her sharply. "What did you do, Siha? You speak as if you know something you should not."

"That you turned down a lung transplant?" she asked, sitting up and drawing her knee to her chest. "Yes. I know. It was in the dossier the Shadow Broker had on you. Dr. Chakwas didn't seem to think it was a false hope. You said yourself that the hanar were working on a cure but that you don't think you'll live long enough to see it. How could you...you aren't even trying, Thane. It's like you want to die."

"I did," he said. "Before I met you. I have reasons to live, Siha. You. Kolyat. That does not change the fact that those lungs are not a guarantee for me and that, in taking them, I take away another's chance for life."

 _Fuck them! You're more important!_ she almost exclaimed. Instead, she said, "I have allowed my crew to choose their own path at every turn. I have neither stopped those who wanted to kill nor have I talked any of them into killing even when I wanted them to and they did not. I will not show you any less respect when it comes to killing yourself. I just won't sit by and watch knowing that it's your choice."

He turned slowly to face her fully and his brows drew down sharply. "What are you saying, Siha?" he asked.

"You are asking me to do what you aren't willing to do yourself," she said tightly. "You want me to have a life after you when you wouldn't. I could find a way to do that if there was no other option but there is. Thane, even if we survive the Omega 4 relay, my job isn't over when the Collectors are finished. The Reapers are still coming. They're in the galaxy. And you know as well as I do that I'm going to be at the head of that fight. It's on _me_ , Thane. Just how well do you think I'm going to be able to carry that burden alone knowing that the only fucking person who's ever... It's a choice to die now, Thane. You have a choice and you're choosing to die instead of... I can't do this." 

She stood abruptly, throwing the sheet aside, and dug into her wall locker with jerky motions. She should have known. She should have expected this. She had known that he wouldn't change his mind. Deep down, she'd known he'd leave. Everyone she loved left or died. She could inspire a crew to follow her into hell but she couldn't inspire a person to stay with her. He would rather choose to die than choose to live and she was going to have to find a way to carry that, too. Alone. Again. The way she'd always been. She grabbed a pair of PTs and jerked them from the drawer as if they'd offended her just by being there. A pair of cool hands clasped her shoulders and she resisted the pressure demanding that she turn. He was insistent, though. It wasn't until his thumb brushed the moisture from her scarred cheek that she realized that she was crying. "I can't do this, Thane," she repeated. 

"Siha," he said mournfully. His eyes shimmered with sorrow. "I do not wish to cause you pain. You are the strongest person I have ever known. You will survive this."

"I'm tired, Thane," she whispered. "I'm so tired. I can't...how am I supposed to do this alone? It's too big. It's too dark. I can't carry it alone."

"You have your crew, Siha," he said. "Lean on them."

She laughed bitterly. "They'll leave. As soon as this mission is over, they'll scatter like they did before. I'm going to get locked up. None of them will have a reason to stay. And we are going to lose the last of what little time you would give us. You're going to die while I'm locked away in a prison on Earth. We have weeks left, Thane. None of us have a guarantee of surviving this war. You could at least be by my side through it but you won't because some unknown person might die if you live. Never mind the number of people you could save. Never mind that you could save _me_." 

"Shepard..."

"Don't," she said. "Don't. I'm not trying to... Just go."

He took her face in his hands and tilted it up so that she was forced to look at him. "You have never asked anything of me, Siha, and I would give you anything that is in my power to give. Is this what you would ask of me? To live? To stay with you?"

"No," she said as her heart cried _Yes!_ and she tried to pull away. He didn't release her. "I won't ask that of you. It's your life, not ours."

"It could be," he said. 

She squeezed her eyes shut against the flare of hope and grief. "Don't offer things like that," she said. "No one... Just don't."

"No one what?" he asked. She shook her head and he repeated, "No one what, Shepard?"

"Stays," she said. "No one stays."

"I cannot promise you forever," he said.

"Neither can I," she pointed out. 

He ran his fingers through her hair and said, "I could no more deny you than I could will my heart to stop beating. If this is what you need, then this is what I will give you. If we survive this mission, I will undergo the transplant while you are imprisoned. I will be waiting for you when you are freed."

She stared up at him in shock. "You will?" she asked. "Thane, I can't...you can't do this because you feel guilty or obligated. I don't want you staying with me out of some misguided sense of duty. I want you to stay because..."

"Because I want to be with you as badly as I want my next breath," he said. "I do, Shepard. I would take forever with you and beg the gods for another day. I love you more than you can possibly imagine. I would make you my wife if you would have me, Siha. Marry me and I will do all that is within my power to remain by your side, to protect you with everything that I have, to love you with everything that I am."

"Yes," she said, smiling widely through the tears that fell freely now. "Yes, Thane."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by a prompt from the KinkMeme that requested Thane and Shepard in a kinky sex club. This was originally going to be a standalone, but I ended up using this Thane and Shepard for backstory.

“I thought my information said this was a club,” Shepard said as she looked at the building in front of them. It didn’t look like any club she’d ever seen. The exterior was gaudy even for the Strip and, while there was a line out the door and what appeared to be a turian bouncer guarding it, there was something about the people waiting in the line that was just…off. 

She was getting used to the odd people who frequented the Silversun Strip and after everything she’d been through over the last few years—hell, everything _everyone_ had been through—she supposed that they had a right to be a little strange. Still, there was something here that she couldn’t identify and it set her teeth on edge. She’d seen enough subtle oddities that had ended up heralding life-threatening situations that she was hyper-sensitive to strange group behavior.

The fact that the…club, if that’s what it was…was tucked away in a less-frequented area of the Strip wasn’t alarming in and of itself. The fact that the female patrons were barely dressed wasn’t, either. The asari trend of long dresses with cutouts at the waist had given way to more wanton human fads when it came to club attire. However, these were scanty even for a dance club. The men, on the other hand, were primarily dressed in suits. Almost all of the females were either human or asari maidens, though she did see one asari matron with a maiden by her side. That was uncommon as they preferred to mate with other species but not unheard of. Liara herself was a pureblood, though Shepard would never call her such out loud as it was an insult among her people. 

The thing that caught her attention wasn’t the dress or the ages of the patrons. It was their attitude. “Is this some sort of misogynistic, patriarchal scene?” she asked.

Thane hummed and said, “It _is_ a club, Siha. However, it is not a club as you mean it. Who provided you with this mission?”

“Councilor Valern,” she answered. “The Council suspects that the batarians have begun moving their slaving into Council space now that…well, now that there isn’t really a demand for it in their systems anymore.” Her voice dropped as she said the last and he ran a hand over the small of her back. The batarian hegemony was gone and she was partially responsible. Unfortunately, that meant that almost all of the remaining batarians were the criminal element: pirates, mercenaries, slavers, drug runners. 

She shook the thought off as she continued, “He said they think that the ‘product’ is being moved through this club and requested that I check it out. Everyone knows I live around here, so it wouldn’t look too odd for me to be here and if someone is slaving practically in my backyard, I want to know about it and put a stop to it.”

“It is brilliant,” he said with a note of reluctant admiration. “Hiding in plain sight, as it were. However, I believe you are mistaken, Siha. I don’t think anyone would expect to see you here.”

“So it is a misogynistic hellhole,” she said.

“Not…not necessarily,” he said hesitantly. “I suppose that depends on your outlook.”

She shot him a sideways look and sighed. “You clearly know what it is that I’m missing here. Just spit it out already.”

He sighed and said, “It is a bondage club, Siha. I believe humans refer to it as BDSM.”

“A BDSM club,” she repeated. “The salarian councilor sent me to a BDSM club and he didn’t even warn me? Oh, gods, what if I’d come here with _Garrus_? He’d be scarred for life. He’d never look me in the eye again. Or Wrex. Or, heaven forbid, Vega. I’d never live this down. Wait. How do you know what this place is without even stepping foot in the door?”

“Legacy of a misspent youth,” he said uncomfortably. 

“I thought you were with the hanar until you met Irikah and then freelanced after that,” she said. “That doesn’t seem to leave much time for misspent youth.”

He rubbed the back of his neck in a rare show of discomfort as he said, “I, ah, might have…done some of these things with her.”

“And she let you?” she asked. She and Thane had played somewhat rough before, but they had never done anything like what she pictured when she thought of bondage and domination. She absolutely did not want to be beaten or humiliated or forced to crawl around on her hands and knees referring to herself in the third person. 

“Actually, she was the one in charge,” he said.

Her head snapped around to look at him with wide eyes. “What?” She had always pictured Irikah as the stereotypical meek little woman. She didn’t picture her as weak, exactly. No one who was could have even gotten Thane’s attention much less held it for long enough to marry him and bear his child. However, she had never pictured her as being the one to wear the pants in the family. Thane was too confident for that.

He said, “In…these types of relationships…it is not uncommon for the one with the most power and responsibility in daily life to be the one who chooses to submit.”

“So, what, she bossed you around and tied you up and beat you whenever she felt like it?” she asked, still trying to absorb this new information.

“In a way,” he admitted, “but again I do not think it was what you are picturing.”

“I can’t go in there,” she said, filing away the revelation for later study. “I’m too recognizable and so are you. Could you imagine what someone like Khalisah Al-Jilani would do with a story like that?”

“Cameras are not allowed in these types of establishments,” he said, “and discretion is paramount.”

“There’s a line outside the door, Thane,” she pointed out.

“There is a dance club in the front,” he said. “The more…salacious events occur in the back. As far as anyone knows, you are simply there for the club.”

She brightened at that. “Maybe we won’t need to go in the back at all. No, never mind. They wouldn’t be selling slaves out of the front. Shit. All right. Brief me. How does one act in this ‘type of establishment’ as you put it?”

He steepled his fingers over the table at which they sat a few meters away from the club and said, “First, not all of these are geared toward a male dominant and female submissive dynamic; however, this one is…at least as far as the submissives go. They are all female.”

“How can you tell?” she asked. “Or do the clothes give it away?”

He nodded and said, “The clothing is part of it. Look deeper, though, Siha. The women are all deferring to the men. It is apparent in their posture and attitude.”

“I can’t do this,” she said again. “When have you ever seen me defer to anyone?”

His lips quirked and his eyes roved over her with barely concealed hunger. “You seem to have no problem deferring to me under the right circumstances.”

“Alone, Thane!” she pointed out in a fierce whisper. “What we do in the bedroom is completely different from doing it in public and, besides, I don’t think what we do comes anywhere close to what is going on here.”

“No,” he conceded. “We have been…tame.”

“Tame?” she repeated. “I don’t think I’d call it tame, exactly.”

He smiled again and this time she got the impression that he wanted to pat her head like she was a naïve child. It was disturbing. “We are tame, Siha.”

It was very rare that she felt anything approaching jealousy when it came to Irikah. She’d come to envy the woman for being able to bear him a child even if he hadn’t been prepared for said child. She’d never really stopped to consider the physical relationship that had led to that child. It had all happened long before he met her and, frankly, the end of their marriage and Irikah’s demise wasn’t something she’d have wished on anyone. It seemed wrong to begrudge Irikah what little happiness she’d found in an otherwise rocky and ultimately doomed relationship. 

His words, however, sparked a hint of envy as she realized that he had experienced things with his first wife that she couldn’t even imagine and that Irikah had been able to give him something that she hadn’t even considered. She wondered if he missed it. She wondered if he’d been unsatisfied with his relationship with her but unwilling or unable to ask her for what he wanted for fear that she wouldn’t be able to accept it. Did she bore him?

“Do you miss it?” she asked. 

He reached across the table and took her hands in his as he had so many times before. “Siha, I love you. You satisfy me in a way I have never before experienced. There is nothing lacking in what we share. If you are asking if I would be willing to go further, I would but only if you wanted it. If you are asking if you leave me wanting, the answer is a resounding no.”

“So…you like that sort of thing?” she asked, running her thumb over his knuckles.

He shrugged a shoulder and said, “I have no desire to relinquish control anymore. That phase of my life is over. I would do it for you if you wished but I no longer feel the need to do so for myself. My submission to Irikah was borne out of a…habituation to servitude. I had never before experienced true autonomy. Finding it not only thrust upon me but also shouldering the sudden expectation to lead within my family, well, it was not what I had expected and I had no frame of reference. So when she seized control, it was a relief. Since her death, I have learned to master my own destiny. My employers are just that. They do not own me and I choose the nature and duration of my employment.”

“You fell under my command pretty smoothly,” she pointed out. 

“And how often did you hear me refer to you as ‘Commander’ when we were alone?” he countered. 

“After the first few times we spoke? Never,” she conceded. 

He said, “I followed your orders because you were in charge of the mission and it was your ship just as I do now when I accompany you. Out there, I am your weapon. Otherwise, we have always been equals because I have not otherwise consented to giving you further authority. That is the thing that is not always so apparent when it comes to this. The one who concedes control can remove consent at any time and the dynamic changes. It is a balance, Siha.”

“Is that what you did with Irikah?” she asked. “Removed consent?”

“In a way, I suppose,” he said. “I handled it badly, however. As I became more autonomous, I began to chafe under her rule. Rather than communicating that, though, I simply chose avoidance. Communication is key when power is exchanged and I failed at that.”

This was one of the things she loved about him. He was utterly transparent with her and had no hesitation about admitting his mistakes. He was flawed and he didn’t try to hide that fact from her. By the same token, he didn’t expect perfection from her, either. He took her failings in stride and encouraged her to get back up and try again. 

He said, “I am straying from the topic. In a club like this, you do not touch anything that does not belong to you and that includes people. You will not be groped. If, however, someone does break the rules and does touch you, it will be my responsibility to handle it. There is a general protocol that is followed at the majority of these places. As the submissive, you will speak only when spoken to, will address me as either sere or master, and will not look a dominant person in the eye unless you are explicitly instructed to do so. You may look around, but eye contact is restricted. Generally, furniture is reserved for dominant members. You will be expected to remain at my feet, preferably in a kneeling position. Cushions are generally provided for this.

“There are monitors in place to ensure that no one is harmed and those monitors are generally trained in first aid across a wide variety of species. The monitors are the only other people you would be expected to obey. If you see people at play and have a concern, ask me. If there is a problem, the monitors are trained to deal with it. There is an understood area around each station where only the players and monitors are allowed. If you wander into that area, you are implying consent to anything that happens. A whip to the face is an unpleasant sensation, even for you, Siha. I am uncertain whether sex is allowed at this particular establishment. Some do and some do not.”

He shifted and said, “There are…things that people do for enjoyment that are not covered in _Fornax_. You may be shocked by some of what you see. However, please try to keep any judgment to yourself until we are alone again. We do not have to engage in play but it will support our cover better if we do. We will negotiate anything you wish to try beforehand and if at any time you are uncomfortable, I will stop.”

“Are you going to give me a safeword?” she asked, feeling somewhat amused by his discomfort and the bizarreness of the situation.

“No. If you tell me to stop, I will stop,” he said. “I do not intend to do anything with you that would lead to you using that unless you meant it.”

“When would I ever tell you to stop if I didn’t want you to?” she asked.

“Resistance play,” he said.

“Resistance? Like, ‘Oh, no, Mr. Assassin, please don’t hurt me. I’ll do anything you say,’ type roleplay?” she asked. Now that she thought about it, that might be kind of fun. 

He inclined his head and she almost missed the quirk of his lips as he said, “I can almost see you imagining scenarios.”

She cleared her throat and said, “Guilty as charged.”

“Any more questions?” he asked.

She thought about it and said, “I’ll probably have a million when we get in there but I don’t really know enough about this to know what to ask. My sex life before you was fairly…”

“I believe ‘vanilla’ is the proper term,” he said. “In that case, I have a question of my own. Do you trust me, Siha?”

“Of course I do,” she said instantly.

He nodded and said, “Good. Keep that in mind because you will not be able to question me in there.”

“You follow me into battle without question,” she said. “I think I can handle following you into a kinky sex club. But if someone starts shooting at us, I’m in charge.”

“Of course, Shepard. Though I think it says something about our lives that you are not being facetious when you say that. Where is your gun?”

“Home,” she said. Before he could protest, she said, “You do remember the time I took out over a hundred mercenaries led by my clone with nothing but my biotics and an empty pistol, right? You should. You were there for a lot of it.” She’d thought that she had seen the best that Thane had to offer on the Collector base. Nothing, however, had prepared her for the dance of death they’d performed when Cat Six mercenaries had targeted her during what was supposed to be a sushi dinner with Joker on shore leave. It had been the first time that just the two of them had fought together. 

She had never seen Thane so fiercely determined or so deadly. She’d realized later that it had all hit a bit too close to home for him. He’d kept his cool during the crisis and had even managed a few lighthearted moments. _Had you informed me that you’d grown tired of sushi, I simply would have stopped taking you there, Siha._ It hadn’t been until they’d arrived safely back at the apartment with Wrex that he’d let her see just how shaken he’d been by the whole thing. He’d taken it personally that the mercenaries had dared target his woman and, oh, the havoc they had wreaked together. He hadn’t been content to sit back and snipe at targets so he’d passed her his rifle and had thrown himself into the fray. It had been breathtaking.

“I am afraid there are no fish tanks here, Siha,” he jibed and she glared at him.

“Still don’t want to talk about it,” she grumbled.

He smiled and stood with his hand extended. “Shall we?”

She cast a glance at the club and sighed. “Sure. Why the hell not? Valern is going to pay me double for this one, though.”


	5. Chapter 5

Shepard’s eyes widened when Thane affixed the newly acquired leather collar around her neck. (The damn place had a _gift shop_ of all things!) They narrowed again when he clipped the leash to it. “I feel like a pet varren,” she muttered under her breath and Thane shot her a warning look. He gestured for her to kneel and she did so, though she felt entirely foolish as she held her wrists up for him to place the leather cuffs around them. 

On the other hand, she mused, this position did have its benefits. She cast a look around to ensure that they were still alone in the entryway before leaning forward to nuzzle the hard line of him through the leather of his pants. He was enjoying this and she found herself enjoying his enjoyment. A quick inhale was all the reaction he gave her but she took it as a sign that this was acceptable to him and pressed her lips against the hot leather. No one watching him would have picked up the falter in his hands as he worked the clasps but she felt it and grinned against him. She was beginning to think that this could be fun.

His hand buried itself in her hair at the base of her skull and pulled her head back. “Continue that and you will be sucking my cock in a moment,” he growled. When he saw her sly grin, he added, “In front of an audience.”

She sighed. As appealing as the idea of taking him in her mouth here was, she didn’t think she was ready to do something quite that intimate in front of others. She tended to be a pretty private person. Kissing him on the docks when she’d arrived after the Reapers attacked Earth had been out of character for her and driven only by their six-month long separation while she’d been locked up by the Alliance and he’d been on Kahje receiving the lung transplant he’d agreed to undergo for her and the cure Mordin and Miranda had worked together to synthesize for his condition. 

“That’s what I thought,” he said smugly and pulled her to her feet. His mouth claimed hers and his tongue forced its way past lips and teeth to duel with her own. He crowded her back against the wall and she felt his hand slide along the leather at her throat and the cuffs on her wrists. Heat burst in her belly as she realized that sight of her in them turned him on. “Gods, Siha, I could fuck you right here,” he growled and she couldn’t suppress the soft moan or slight shudder at his words. It was rare that Thane ever talked like this and only made it hotter when he did. 

“Thane,” she sighed, tilting her head back so that he could lick her neck alongside the collar. He nipped at her throat and then used the leash to yank her forward as he stepped back. His hand meeting her ass was a shock as the sharp slap was anything but teasing. He soothed the reprimand with another nip of her neck and she said, “I’m sorry, sere.”

“That’s better,” he said in a low voice. 

It was a bit strange to call him sere but years of military training made the title fall readily from her mouth. She simply had to view him as her superior here and suddenly she felt much more prepared to handle this situation. She’d had to avert her eyes with her military trainers as well. This wasn’t that different from anything she’d already done. 

Thane felt the shift in her and eyed her closely before nodding and gracing her with a small smile. “That’s my girl,” he said approvingly. “Submissive does not necessarily mean subservient and it by no means equates to weakness. Stand tall, Siha. You honor both of us with your confidence. There can be no doubt looking at you that you are here by choice.”

“I love you,” she whispered, warmed by his words.

“And I, you,” he said. “Now, come.”

“I’d love to,” she said with a smirk. He responded with a light jerk on the leash but she didn’t miss the sparkle in his eye. He always had admired her spirit and she was glad to see that he wasn’t acting as self-important and reserved as she’d expected. 

He led her out of the room and into the hallway that led to what he called the dungeon. The word conjured images that she found decidedly unsexy and she took a deep breath as she fell automatically into position a few paces behind and to his right in the place he always assumed when they were on missions together. The role reversal was odd but not unpleasant and he nodded his approval before opening the door.

This was not what she’d expected, she realized as they stepped into the room the door revealed. There were no torture devices and, in fact, she saw only various couches and chairs scattered about. Men sat with women at their feet and talked to each other casually. She saw a turian reach down to run his talons through the hair of the human woman kneeling beside him as he carried on a conversation with another turian who sat with an asari. The human leaned in to the touch but continued to speak with the asari maiden. She saw a human male with an asari and another human female at his feet and a batarian with a female turian kneeling beside him. 

There was a krogan with an asari and a salarian with a quarian. The latter surprised her as Mordin had told her once that salarians didn’t have much of a sex drive and she couldn’t imagine much that could be done with a quarian without risking a suit rupture. She cocked an eyebrow at Thane who was watching her take in the crowd.

He said quietly, “Not all of it is physical or even sexual, Siha. There is a strong psychological and emotional aspect to it as well.”

She nodded and continued to look about the room. It was clear at a glance who the regulars were. They either sat in groups or moved through the room with a comfort that spoke of experience and stopped occasionally to talk to others. There was an air of familiarity about them that set them apart from the new people. Those who were new appeared to stick more closely to their partners and there was a definite sense of them being a closed unit as they looked around with curious expressions. She saw one young-looking asari staring at the rest with wide eyes and hoped that she herself didn’t look as obviously inexperienced.

A turian with a red band around his arm walked up to them and Thane introduced himself using his Tannor Nuara alias. She didn’t expect him to introduce her but he did and simply called her Siha. The turian nodded and she listened closely as he gave them a rundown of the rules and protocols. They were simple and went along with what Thane had already told her. He encouraged them to let him know if they needed anything and pointed out the various play rooms. It seemed that there were themes to each room and she felt her eyes begin to glaze over at the wide variety of ways that people got their rocks off. There was even a nerve-stim room for quarians and volus. 

“Watersports?” she whispered as the turian walked away. “I’m assuming he isn’t talking about swimming and skiing.”

Thane smirked and said, “Very popular among elcor and humans. Some turians get into it as well. I’m not certain as to the appeal for humans. With others it’s a way of scent-marking their territory. It’s considered primitive and somewhat taboo in my culture.”

“Interesting,” she said and then hissed quietly, “We are not having group sex, by the way.”

His eyes slid over her and he said, “If you think I would consider sharing you with another, you are mistaken, Siha. You are mine and mine alone.” 

“I was joking, sere,” she said. Drell were fiercely territorial on an instinctive level. She never had to worry about him being unfaithful. He nodded and led her through the room, understanding without her needing to ask that she wouldn’t be able to fully relax until she’d seen behind the various doors.

What came next was a whirlwind of new things she had never even considered that people would do together for fun. As always, Thane was a patient and thorough teacher. He explained the uses of the various devices she saw and the risks and benefits of the activities being performed. She realized that he knew far more about all of this than he’d admitted and she wondered just how deep he’d followed the rabbit hole before he met her. 

There was no way what they’d done so far had satisfied him. She didn’t consider herself ignorant of the ways of the world. One didn’t make it in the military for as long as she had and still remain innocent. She’d never been promiscuous but she was by no means a virgin when she’d met him. This, however, made her feel like a teenager discovering sex for the first time.

There were things that she saw that made her whisper, “Oh, hell, no.” However, there were others that sparked her curiosity and a few that made her breathe, “Damn, that’s hot.” Thane noted each of her reactions carefully and she could almost see him considering the changes that were to come in their relationship. That there would be changes after tonight was something of which she was certain. There was no way that she could see all of this and not want to try at least some of it. 

She had to remind herself more than once that they were here on a mission and not to satisfy her curiosity. Fortunately, one of the benefits to bringing a drell with her on a recon mission was that he noted everything and remembered every detail perfectly. When she whispered to him that she hadn’t seen anything suspicious, he responded back that it was still early and any transactions were more likely to take place in the private rooms further back once the club became busier. For now, they were safe to simply watch.

The only thing she saw that truly disturbed her was in the group sex room where an elcor was mating with an asari. His monotone recitation of events as they were happening wasn’t something she was likely to forget. Even the hanar doing something with its tentacles to a group of human women including a girl who looked disturbingly like Kasumi was less astounding. She muttered, “Now I’ve seen everything.”

That drew a chuckle from Thane who said, “The night is young, my warrior-angel.” He led her back into the common room and sat in a chair in a corner with its back to a wall. She knelt down on the cushion beside him and rested her head against his knee. His fingers trailed through her hair before he grasped it and used it to shift her between his legs. She braced her hands on his thighs and looked up at him expectantly. His hand trailed over the collar again and he said softly, “You are so beautiful, Siha.”

In response, she slid her hands up the soft leather over his legs and pressed her lips to his thigh. His eyes darkened and she continued to follow the path of her hands with her mouth. When her thumbs grazed over him, he gave a low growl and said, “Tread carefully. I will not share you but I do not mind showing off what is mine. I wish to try something with you if you will allow it.”


	6. Chapter 6

Shepard found herself kneeling in front of Thane beside a large wooden X and the main thought going through her mind was, _I’m naked in front of a lot of strangers and I’m about to let my husband hit me. How did I get here again?_ Then Thane’s arms were around her and he was murmuring encouragement into her ear. She’d expected roughness. She hadn’t expected tenderness. The contrast between what they were about to do and the loving way he was handling her now was strangely exciting but it was downright arousing when he grabbed the back of her collar and slammed her front against the cross. He had her cuffs tied to it before she’d had time to register what had happened.

His knee hitched hard between her thighs and his hand was punishing in her hair. “What is your safeword?” he growled low in his throat as his nails raked over her back again and again.

“Stop,” she breathed.

“Good girl,” he said and bit down on her shoulder before stepping away. She felt exposed and reminded herself that she was Commander fucking Shepard and she could take whatever he intended to dish out. She’d survived a thresher maw and Saren and Collectors and Reapers and the Crucible. She could handle a little rough foreplay.

She wasn’t prepared to enjoy the first crack of the whip against her skin. She could tell that he’d started light to allow her time to adjust to the sensation and see if she hated it before he went harder. When she nodded, he put more force behind it. Her skin was warmed from the scratches he’d given her and, with all of the skin weaves she had, she knew it would take a lot more than what he was doing to break skin. This was pure sensation. 

A part of her wanted to turn her head and watch him move but he’d warned her to keep her face forward. Instead, she listened to the almost silent pattern of his bare feet on the floor and called on the sense of him developed through countless hours on the battlefield where she’d trusted him with her life. She could picture him in her head, fluid and skilled as he moved with the unerring grace with which he did everything. She found herself able to anticipate his strikes and moving with him to a beat that only they could hear. 

The whip against her skin felt like it was raining drops of fire down on her back but, surprisingly, it was not unpleasant. There was a rhythm to it and she wondered about the occasional hiss she heard when he drew back until she realized it was the sound of the whip meeting his scales. She wondered for a moment whether it was intentional or not before realizing that it was deliberate. Thane didn’t do anything halfway and he wouldn’t try it with her unless he was certain he could control every movement. He was doing it on purpose. She remembered what he said about balance and give and take and realized that it was a cycle. He was creating a link with her, feeling what she felt, giving her only what he could take himself. She heard something and felt a softer, wider strap of leather that came to a point drift over her skin before it cracked against her flesh and she moaned as the sensation went to another level.

She hadn’t understood what he’d meant when he’d talked about a psychological and emotional aspect to this but she did now. She’d never considered herself particularly spiritual. She respected his beliefs but wasn’t sure that she shared them and he’d never pushed her to do so. Now, however, she could almost picture an exchange of energy between them, similar to what they experienced in battle, that almost telepathy taken to a nearly tangible level. 

When he stopped, she made a sound of protest and felt him chuckle against her ear. “I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself, Siha,” he said. 

She tried to respond but the endorphins were flowing and she couldn’t bring herself to do more than hum in satisfaction. His teeth closed over her shoulder and he raised his hand in front of her so that she could see the glow of his biotics. Her breath caught and she pressed more fully against him. His glowing finger trailed over her breast and she smelled ozone as blue sparks danced sharply over her skin. She almost expected it to pierce through and she writhed against him as his hand trailed down her abdomen. She whispered his name, too far gone to remember titles, and his lips brushed her ear as he said, “I am here, Siha. Trust me.”

She could hear the quiet sounds of their audience but couldn’t bring herself to care. There was only room for her and the man who was wrapping her in a spell created by his skin, his scent, his voice, and the crackle of dark energy between them. She realized that what she’d pictured as an energy flow between them had been literal rather than figurative as her eyes fluttered lazily open to look down at his hand drifting over her body and she saw the flicker of her own barriers reaching out to interact with the tiny warp fields he was creating. 

When his hand dipped between her legs, she rose on tiptoe and strained against her bonds as she pushed herself back against him and her knees trembled. She cried out incoherently as something that felt solid and yet she knew was not penetrated her again and again. _Throw_ , her brain sluggishly supplied, _he’s using throw inside me. That’s new._ His teeth scraped against the shell of her ear and his tongue soothed behind them as he pinched her nipple hard with his other hand and she collapsed against him in a shuddering, broken heap. 

His touch turned gentle and his lips pressed against the side of her neck as he praised her beauty, her courage, her openness. He released the cuffs from the cross and brought her arms down slowly and wrapped himself around her. She sensed someone walking toward them and her body tried to tense but the signals were crossed and she simply sank deeper into Thane’s embrace. He draped a sheet around her and turned her so that she was facing him. She buried her face in his neck and breathed in the scent of him as she trembled in his arms.

When she was able to bring her legs under a modicum of control, he gathered their things and activated the cleaning mech to sterilize the area before he led her out into the common room. A turian was sitting in the chair he’d been using earlier but smiled when he saw her and rose with a gesture toward the seat. Thane thanked him and sat, pulling her into his lap. He tucked her into him like a child and brushed his lips across her forehead and over her face as his fingers traced the line of her collar. 

“That was beautiful, Siha,” he murmured softly. “You were beautiful, strong and brave. You are fearless as a warrior-angel should be. Your faith in me is humbling, your surrender breathtaking. I love you, Siha. You are my heart and soul.”

Shepard felt as though she were floating in a warm sea. His voice wrapped around her like smoke, caressing her as he spoke. Her thoughts were fuzzy but it bore none of the sinister oiliness of indoctrination. This was runner’s high taken to an entirely new level. She knew that she would likely be sore the next day but couldn’t bring herself to care. It wouldn’t be the first time and this was certainly a much more pleasant reason for tenderness than what she normally experienced. She blinked sleepily up at him and the look in his eyes took her breath away. 

“Welcome back, my love,” he said warmly and brought a bottle of water to her lips. She drank greedily and he kissed her temple. 

“That was…amazing,” she said breathily. “But…I don’t understand. What did you get out of it?” He certainly couldn’t be feeling this languorous pleasure.

He smiled and said, “What do you get when you take me into your mouth and pleasure me without physical reciprocation, when you moan around my cock and move like I’m inside of you?”

She answered slowly, “I get the pleasure of watching you come apart, writhing and moaning beneath me, calling my name and gasping as your body bows and your control falters until you finally completely let go. I get the knowledge that I’m the only one who’s able to do that to you and I get to enjoy giving you something without the pressure of expectations to give it back.”

“Precisely,” he said. “It is…empowering to know that I can strip the great Commander Shepard down to her basic parts and put her back together again, to know that you trust me to do so and not allow you to come to harm, to feel the great wide galaxy contract until there is only you and me and the sound of my name on your lips.”

Shepard pressed closer to him and shifted the sheet so that she could feel his skin against hers. Despite the covering, she felt exposed in a way that she never had before. He tightened his embrace and her eyes drifted closed again. She loved that she could feel so raw and vulnerable and yet utterly safe in his arms. She could let down her guard, even in this place surrounded by strangers, and know that she was protected. It had been so long since she felt truly safe that she could barely remember what the sensation felt like.


	7. Chapter 7

Eventually, she rose and dressed. Thane ensured that she was back to herself and then suggested that they explore the rest of the facility as business had begun to pick up and the crowd in the common area was growing larger. The press of people would make any illicit transactions more difficult to identify. She wasn’t sure what she was looking for but was sure she would recognize it when she saw it. She followed him into the back and activated the tactical cloak that Kasumi had given her while he melded into the shadows.

She wandered unseen, stopping at doorways to listen for anything that caught her attention. She wasn’t surprised to hear couples engaged in sex and even the rougher sounds fit into the atmosphere. She hesitated at one and was debating whether what was going on inside was consensual when Thane appeared at her elbow and shook his head. She wondered how he knew where she was but wasn’t surprised that he could find her even when she was cloaked. 

She moved on when he did and a few minutes later, he returned and gestured for her to follow. He led her through a vent and she tried to copy the silent way he moved. She wasn’t as smooth or graceful as he but they made it undetected to the grate that sat near the ceiling and overlooked the room before them. 

A batarian was in the room with a barefaced turian and a handful of scared-looking human females. Their demeanor stood out from the willing patrons she’d seen so far. She had noticed a few who looked nervous but these were honestly scared. The turian reached out for one of them and she flinched and jerked away. The batarian cracked her sharply across the face and she spit at him. Shepard saw Thane’s lips compress as the batarian’s fists made contact with the girl’s face. He raised an eyebrow in her direction and she nodded as she reactivated her cloak. 

Thane dropped from the vent with his customary silence and the turian was on the ground before she was. The humans screamed and the batarian reached for his pistol but Shepard wrapped him in a stasis field before he could do more than wrap his hand around the weapon. She dropped her cloak and turned to the women. “It’s all right,” she said soothingly. “You’re safe now. I’m Commander Shepard and this is Thane Krios.”

“Commander Shepard?” the oldest of the girls. “The Commander Shepard?”

“The one and only,” she said. 

The girl visibly relaxed and said, “Oh, thank God.”

The youngest said, “We were so scared! The batarians came and raided our colony. They killed my mom! He said he was going to sell us to that turian and that we were going to have to do…things…for the Blue Suns.”

“Oh, hell, no,” Shepard snarled. She turned to Thane. “Can you deal with him while I find some appropriate clothing for these girls? I’m going to ask Kolyat to meet us at home.”

Thane nodded and replaced her stasis field with his own before dragging the batarian from the room. Shepard searched but finally settled for a set of sheets to wrap around the girls in order to cover the filthy, ragged clothes they wore. Thane returned a few minutes later with a look of disgust on his face. “I have the name of the contact here on the Citadel,” he said, “and information about a new shipment arriving tomorrow.”

“Kolyat is on his way,” she told him.

He nodded. “Follow me.”

She put the girls between the two of them and followed him to an exit at the rear of the building. The girls seemed to relax once they were outside on the Strip. They drew curious looks as they approached her skycar but a glare from Shepard was enough to convince the onlookers to find something more interesting. It was a tight fit in the vehicle but a short trip and soon she had the kids safely sequestered inside her apartment.

She sent the younger two to the bathrooms to shower while Thane prepared a meal for them and Shepard sat the older one down to gently question her. She learned that the girl’s name was Aliyah and that her parents had been killed in the raid. Her first thought was to contact Anderson before remembering that he was gone. Instead, she put in a call to Admiral Hackett. There was nothing for the girl to go back to and she was almost old enough to join the Alliance. Hackett would make sure she was taken care of.

The younger two were sisters and when Kolyat arrived, he assured her that Bailey would figure out a way to keep them together until their aunt and uncle could be contacted to come get them. Shepard found some clothing that would fit them and Kolyat talked to the younger girls while the older one took her turn in the shower. He was a natural with kids and the girls warmed to him quickly. By the time they left, the youngest one seemed starstruck and Shepard told him he’d likely made a friend for life.

When they were alone again, Shepard placed a call to Zaeed. The grizzled merc greeted her call with a grumbled, “Shepard. It’s three in the goddamn morning on Zorya. What the fuck are you doing waking me up at this goddamn hour?”

“You’ve got a problem, Zaeed,” she told him. “I just had three human girls in my apartment that we rescued from batarian slavers who were about to sell them as sex slaves to some of your Blue Suns.”

That got his attention. Though he’d never admit it even on pain of death, Zaeed had a soft spot for kids. He’d taken over the Blue Suns again after the war and had put a stop to the worst of their criminal activity. He was no Archangel but he’d turned most of the mercenary group away from running weapons, drugs, and people to instead hiring themselves out as protection for civilian ships carrying supplies for the reconstruction that the pirates loved to prey on. 

He would never allow something like this to happen on his watch if he knew about it. Thane gave him the turian’s name and sent him the data he’d copied from the merc’s omni-tool. Zaeed promised to look into it with a glower that told her there would be hell to pay once he got to the bottom of it. 

They sat down and made a plan for the following day when they would interrupt the shipment coming in and attempt to learn who, exactly, was behind the slaver ring. She had a feeling that they would soon be heading out to the Terminus systems and sent out a message to her crew to be on standby for a mission. She didn’t expect responses until the next morning but one by one a series of replies came in acknowledging the order. 

She was looking forward to getting back out on the _Normandy_. The Alliance had tried to insist on keeping the ship for themselves but the Council had overridden them. She was a Spectre and a Spectre needed a ship. She didn’t think that the Illusive Man had intended on her taking the ship and defecting with it when he’d presented her with it but he’d made the mistake of registering it in her name. It had been under Cerberus’ corporate flag but, ultimately, it had legally belonged to her. She’d turned it over to the Alliance for use as a gesture of goodwill when she’d turned herself in but had never transferred ownership. The _Normandy_ was hers. End of story. 

The defense committee had been pissed but Hackett had praised her for sticking to her guns. She was the only captain the ship had ever had and even he said that it wouldn’t be right for anyone else to command her. That ship had taken her through the Omega 4 relay and the Reaper war. It had been the place where she’d begun her new life, where she’d found home and family and love. It was a part of her and she of it. She’d been told that the _Normandy_ was her first love and, while she knew that wasn’t exactly true, the ship that had started as an expensive copy had become one of her great loves. 

She’d flown both Cerberus and Alliance colors but now she flew the Spectre flag. She belonged not only to Shepard but to the galaxy as a whole. She would remain in service to everyone rather than a single race until she was decommissioned and opened to the public. In time, everyone who wanted would be able to stand where Shepard had stood, walk her halls, and explore the beloved ship that had saved the galaxy. For now, however, there was still work to be done and, until Shepard herself retired, the _Normandy_ would fly.

Thane cut into her reflections by tugging her over into his lap. His eyes were serious as he said, “How do you feel, Siha?”

“About the girls or the club?” she asked.

“Both,” he answered.

“I’m glad we saved the girls,” she answered. “As for the club, I enjoyed it a lot more than I’d anticipated. It wasn’t at all what I’d expected. I wouldn’t be opposed to going back.”

“We don’t have to go to a club for that unless you simply enjoyed the audience,” he said. “We could do everything we did there right here. And there are no rules here but the ones we create.”

She said slowly, “When you were describing it with Irikah, it didn’t sound like something you did every once in a while, to spice things up.”

“It wasn’t,” he answered. “The exchange of power was a central part of our relationship. If you were open to it, I would like it to be with us as well. Siha, you have spent years making decisions with the weight of the galaxy behind them, knowing that your calls meant the difference between life and death for potentially millions of people every time. Do you not get tired of being the one to whom everyone turns for answers and guidance all of the time? Do you never wish that someone else could take the reins for a time and just let you rest?”

“I do,” she admitted. The truth was that she was so very tired of being the one that everyone looked to, of being the one in charge. It had gotten better since things had normalized after the war but she still had days where simply deciding what to eat seemed overwhelming. She led her crew without issue but when she was home, she didn’t want to be the one in charge. She didn’t want to worry about whether her decisions were right or wrong. She wanted to let go.

“I can give that to you, Siha. If you wish,” he said. When she nodded, he pulled her head back by the hair and grazed the side of her neck with his teeth. “Do you have any idea how utterly beautiful you looked tonight, kneeling at my feet with your hands bound and my collar declaring my ownership of you? It was like having my hands around your wrists and your throat. The only thing that could have improved the sight would have been if those were the only items you wore. I believe that will be my first rule. When we are alone and it is feasible, I want you in nothing but collar and cuffs.”

“Yes, sere,” she whispered as his teeth grazed her ear.

“Good,” he said. “We will discuss the details more fully but for now, I believe there is something you wished to do earlier. Strip and kneel and make good on your promise.”

She grinned at him and slipped off of the couch so that she could send the dress she wore to the floor. His eyes drank her in as he pulled out the leather pieces she’d removed in the car earlier. She knelt and offered him her wrists and she saw his quick intake of breath as he fitted the cuffs around them. She loved knowing that she could do that to him. He placed the collar around her neck and ran his tongue along it, making her shiver. She loved knowing he could do that to her. 

He leaned back and looked down at her with an arrogant raise of his brow ridge. She grinned up at him and ran her hands up the fitted leather of his pants, feeling the thick muscle below. He kept his eyes trained on her as she nuzzled his length through the garment and then began to undo the buckles and clasps that kept him covered. His hand delved into her hair as she exposed him and ran her tongue along the velvety skin of his cock and around the bifurcated tip. 

He groaned when she took him into her mouth. She knew how to please him or thought she had but when his hand tightened in her hair and he began to guide her, she discovered that he’d been holding back with her. He rolled his hips up to meet her mouth as he pressed her down onto him, sending the tip of him nudging into the back of her throat. His voice was huskier than normal when he said, “If it becomes too much, tap my leg. I don’t intend to take your breath, just to make you earn it.” Her eyes flew up to meet his and he said, “Trust me, Siha.”

She deliberately closed and then opened her eyes in agreement and he groaned softly before thrusting up and holding himself at the back of her throat. She was grateful that she’d never had much of a gag reflex as she focused on controlling the automatic fear of being unable to breathe. The moment she relaxed, he drew her back and allowed her to inhale before thrusting into her again. This time, she was ready for it and he started a slow rhythm of thrust, hold, and retreat. She glanced up to see his head laid back against the couch and his throat working and she moaned around him at the sight of him clearly working for his control. 

He stood and his hold on her hair tightened, holding her still as he began to thrust quick and hard. She relaxed her jaw and took him as he fucked her mouth. His eyes were still closed as he said, “I wish you had seen them, Siha. The way they looked at you, desiring you for their own, envying me for having you. I wanted to take you in front of them. I wanted to let them watch as I claimed you. I wanted to fuck you in front of all of them and let them watch as you screamed for me.”

Shepard ran her hands up the back of his thighs and over his ass, feeling the flex of his muscles as he continued to move. Thane had incredible stamina and, while he sounded like he was beginning to fray, she knew that he could go all night if he chose. She was completely and utterly at his mercy and she wanted him more than she ever had before. The desire for him was a gnawing in her core and she heard herself making needy little sounds around his cock as he continued to describe the things he’d wanted to do to her. She felt the tension in him build and flicked her tongue along the dip between his twin heads. He groaned loudly and thrust hard and she worked to swallow as he spilled into her throat.

He gave her no time to recover as he needed none himself. He turned her and pushed her to the floor by her hair and entered her a moment later. She was ready for him, more than ready, and he slid easily into her and began a punishing rhythm that had her crying out and pushing back into him. He released her hair and hooked his finger into the D-ring on her collar and used it to pull her up so that her back was to his chest. His hand went around her throat, applying enough pressure to hint at a threat but not enough to completely cut off her air. 

She looped her arm up and around the back of his neck for leverage as his other hand began to glow and skimmed down her body, trailing sparks of dark energy. She arched against him as need sank its talons into her. “Look down,” he ordered. She did so and watched as his glowing fingers circled her clit and his emerald cock plunged into her.

“Please, sere,” she gasped. 

“No,” he said. “Not yet.”

She hadn’t expected him to want control over this, too. She had been asking him to give her that last little push she needed to send her over the edge. His denial surprised her but what was even more shocking was that it did give her what she needed and it was willpower alone that kept her from breaking then and there. He chuckled at her frustration and tightened his hold around her throat. 

“I want to feel you around me when I finish inside of you,” he purred against her ear and she felt his words dance over her skin. “I want you so desperate for completion that you cannot think of anything else. Imagine it, Siha. I could ride this edge with you for hours.” Her nails scraped across the back of his neck and she shuddered. He would, too. He would keep her here, trembling and begging until the sun came up again. “You don’t seem to like that idea,” he noted as he flicked a finger over her clit and thrust hard. “What would you do to avoid that fate?” 

“Anything you want, Sere,” she gasped as stars began to chime in her ears. “Just please help me.”

“Anything I want? That is a dangerous and yet intriguing offer, Siha,” he purred. “I accept. Tonight, I will give you what you want. Tomorrow, you will give me what I want.” He pushed her down to her hands and knees again and gripped her hips as he began to drive into her hard and fast. She arched up into him and called his name as she felt the ripple of his biotics over her skin. His teeth scraped over her shoulder and then bit down and she went tumbling over the edge with him behind her.


	8. Chapter 8

He took her back to the club the following night. Shepard had no idea what to expect from him and he was giving nothing away. She knew he had a plan. He always had a plan. She simply didn’t know what it was and there were far too many new options to even begin to guess at what it could entail. He hadn’t shown any interest in any one thing they’d seen the night before over another. He wouldn’t harm her. He wouldn’t share her. He would stop if she told him to. It was enough to make her anticipation outweigh her nerves. She trusted him. It was not enough, however, to make her entirely comfortable with the almost sheer black dress he’d put her in for the night. It concealed more than it revealed but it was a close thing and she thought that was probably the appeal for him. 

She followed him into the dungeon with her head high and her eyes downcast. As before, they took a seat in a corner with her kneeling between his knees. His fingers trailed over her neck and along the collar before following the line of her shoulder and slipping down her spine. The touch was almost absent but Thane never did anything by accident. He was fully aware of what he was doing and what it was doing to her. 

He made another pass and she felt the tingle of his biotics. It wasn’t much but it was noticeable and her barrier flickered out to interact with it. She imagined how they must look to others. The enigmatic drell and his semi-dressed human, both of them flickering blue in the dark of the room. The image conjured in her head was somewhat mysterious and definitely sexy and served only to heighten her arousal. 

He leaned forward and said, “There is a coffee bar in the next room. I would like some tea, please, Siha.”

“Yes, Sere,” she answered and rose. His hand trailed down her side and over her hip as she walked away. She found the room he’d spoken of and paused in the doorway as she took it in. It looked more like an office breakroom than anything else; granted, an office breakroom with naked women in collars serving the businessmen. She stifled a smirk and went to the bar where there were several different types of coffee, kavas, teas, and the frothy, fruity drink that asari preferred. They didn’t have Thane’s preferred type but she found one that she knew he enjoyed and prepared it for him. He hadn’t requested food but she put a fruit plate together as well. If he planned to continue using his biotics or calling her own up, then they could both use an energy boost. If he wasn’t hungry, she’d just eat it herself. 

Her hands were full when she returned to the dungeon but that didn’t prevent her barrier from flaring when a batarian ran his hand over her ass. He jerked it away and glared at her with both sets of eyes. “Don’t touch me,” she said darkly as a flash of green went past her and slammed him up against the wall.

“If you put your hand on her again, you will no longer have a hand,” Thane growled. “Do you understand me?”

“Keep your meat on a leash,” the batarian sneered and Thane leaned in and whispered something too low for her to hear. The batarian’s primary set of eyes widened as the secondary set began to look frantically around the room.

“Is there a problem here?” a turian monitor asked, walking up to them.

Thane stepped away and said, “I believe your guest needs to be reminded of the rules on touching property that is not his own.” He plucked the cup of tea from Shepard’s hand and said, “Come, Siha.”

“What did you tell him?” she asked.

“What do you think?” he asked.

“I think he was about to piss his pants,” she answered.

“I simply informed him of the enjoyment I have found in killing his species in the past and that I was capable of finding it again,” he said. “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine, sere,” she said. “He just groped my ass. On the scale of things I’ve had done to me in the past five years, that ranks somewhere around being subjected to Gardner’s food.”

He shuddered and said, “In that case, you must be very traumatized indeed.”

“Terribly,” she answered with a smile. 

“Well, I suppose I will just have to replace that memory with a better one,” he said, resuming his seat. “Ah, you brought food. Good decision. Kneel and eat, Siha.”

“Yes, sere,” she answered and obeyed. “Melon?”

“Yes, please,” he said. She plucked a piece from the plate and knelt up to slip it between his lips. His tongue flicked lightly over her fingertips and he said, “It tastes better from you. I think I like it when you feed me.”

“I wonder if it tastes even better on me,” she said and popped a piece into her mouth with a grin.

“That is an excellent question,” he said and drew her to him. She loved kissing Thane. His lips were soft against hers and his tongue possessive in her mouth. His teeth scraped lightly over her lip as he drew away and gave her a considering look. “Yes,” he said. “I believe it does. Perhaps we’ll try it…other places as well.”

She bit her lip and her eyes roved over him. She didn’t think she would ever tire of looking at him. He truly was beautiful. More than that, though, he was intelligent and faceted and loyal and good and kind and brave. He raised a brow ridge and she said, “How did I ever get so lucky as to find you?”

He slid his hand along her jaw and pressed his lips to her forehead. “It is I who am fortunate, Siha.”

When she’d finished eating and had enough time for it to settle, Thane led her into a room she had seen but hadn’t been in before. It was long and somewhat narrow with walls strategically arranged to give it a maze-like feel. The one in the front of the room was mirrored but she was fairly certain that what looked like a mirror was in fact a window. The glance he gave it confirmed her suspicion and she wondered who was watching on the other side. She thought that might have been the point in large part. She returned her attention to Thane and knelt as he approached. He drew a length of silk from his pocket and moved to stand behind her. He leaned down and said quietly, “Remember, if you ask for mercy or even for me to stop, I will. I will not harm you. The purpose of this is to simulate darkness. If you remove it, the game is over.”

“Yes, sere,” she said and he placed the silk over her eyes and tied it in place, blocking her vision. 

He drew her to her feet and wrapped his arms around her from behind. “I am the hunter. You are the prey. You have one minute. Hide.”

She raised a brow below the blindfold and took a moment to orient herself as his arms left her. She was effectively blind but she’d gotten a good enough look at the room that she thought she could move fairly confidently. Her only concern was running into a wall but she was good at judging distances and wasn’t truly worried. In concession to her lack of sight, she didn’t sprint but she did break into a jog as she headed for the series of angled walls. He’d likely closed his own eyes to give her a sporting chance but his hearing was excellent. It didn’t really matter anyway. He would have his sight soon enough and he would find her. The point was to make him work at least a little bit for it. 

She was nearing the first wall, so she put out a hand and met the cool concrete with her fingertips. She left them there as a guide. She’d read once that any maze could be gotten out of eventually by never breaking contact with the right wall. It had served her well in the ruins under Tuchanka. She figured it would do so now and she could map the space in her mind. She judged that she was a little more than halfway through the room when her time ran out. A tiny bit of light had filtered through the blindfold when he’d put it on but it was gone now so she supposed that he’d dimmed them. She’d remembered that the walls didn’t quite go all the way to the top and they weren’t completely smooth, so she’d used the edge of one to climb up and was lying between the top of the wall and the ceiling. He was going to find her easily no matter what she did but she hoped that the darkness of the room, if real, would help to hide her. Getting to her would be a different story and he would only find her if he looked up, which he would probably do.

She waited and listened for any sound that might give him away. It was useless. He was perfectly silent when he wanted to be and she had only the vague sensation that she was being stalked to let her know that he was on the prowl. She didn’t know whether it was a shift in the air or just a testament to how attuned she was to him that alerted her that he was near but she felt it and hosted a quick debate in her mind. He was the hunter. She was the prey. That didn’t mean that she had to pretend to be helpless, though. She waited until she sensed that he was in range and then sprung off of the wall. Her judgment had been perfect because her arms caught on his shoulders and she felt him take a step forward to adjust to the sudden weight. She nipped at his neck and said, “It seems the hunter has become the hunted, sere.”

“It got you down, didn’t it?” he asked, sounding satisfied. She cursed as he reached behind him and flipped her around to the front. “I do know you, Siha. You are not content to run and hide. You are too predatory even when you are the prey. However, I believe you will find that my talons are much sharper than yours.” She froze as the tip of something sharp pressed against her throat. He held her in stasis and drew the knife sharply down the front of her body. The blade cut through the wispy dress with a whisper and she wasn’t surprised to find that he had done it without touching her body with it. Thane was meticulous.

He released the stasis and pressed the blade to her throat. The contact was too light for her to determine whether it was the edge or the flat that he used but the threat registered all the same and she drew her head back in automatic response and met his shoulder. The arm around her waist tightened and she wondered how many times he had held someone like this and drawn the blade across rather than holding it still. The idea shouldn’t have been as thrilling as it was. She’d known that he could kill her if he wanted since she met him. She’d even gotten off on the idea a time or two. Never, though, had he mimed the possibility so completely. She had long since stopped truly thinking of him in terms of his job. Now, though, he’d brought the assassin out to play and it was far hotter than it had any right to be.

“I can see your pulse fluttering in your throat, Siha,” he murmured in her ear. “Are you afraid?”

“No, sere,” she said.

“You should be,” he said. “You did say anything.”

She knew he wouldn’t harm her. He hadn’t had to specify that earlier. However, she recalled him referring to it as a game and understood the role he wanted her to play. “Do your worst,” she challenged and the question of whether it was the edge or the flat was answered when it pressed against the skin just short of drawing blood. “Who hired you?” she asked.

“Does it matter?” he countered. “Your fate will be the same in the end.”

“Idle curiosity,” she answered.

“I never reveal my employers,” he said. “I do not believe it is anyone you know, however.”

He moved, dragging her through the maze of walls even as she struggled uselessly against him. “I can double your fee to release me and kill them instead,” she said.

“You will have to do better than that,” he said. “I have no desire for your money.”

“What do you desire?” she asked. “Retirement? I have friends all over the galaxy. I can make sure you are set up in luxury wherever you want. Fame? I can make that happen. Excitement? The thrill of the hunt? I’m a Spectre. Join my crew and you’ll have all of the excitement you can handle.”

“I am not ready to retire. I do not want recognition. And I have all of the adventure I could want,” he said in a bored tone. “Your feeble attempts to save yourself gain you nothing.”

“What about me?” she offered.

“You?” he asked. “What would I want with you?”

“I’m Commander Shepard,” she said. “I’m one of the most desired women in the galaxy. I stopped the Reapers. You wouldn’t even be alive today if it weren’t for me.”

“So you are that Shepard,” he said consideringly as he trailed the tip of the knife down between her breasts. “All right. I suppose that is worth some consideration. I have an offer for you. Come with me and consent to being my slave and I will tell my employer that you are dead.”

“That isn’t what I’m offering,” she said.

“Consider it a counter-offer, then,” he stated, pressing the knife against her nipple. “The only one you will get.”

“Fine,” she bit out. “I’ll go with you.”

“You aren’t going anywhere yet,” he said and threw her to the floor. She rolled onto her back but he’d pounced before she could move. The blade pressed against her throat once more as he reached between them and freed himself from his pants. He entered her in a smooth stroke and said, “First, I am going to let these people watch as I take you.”

Her legs went automatically around his waist and she felt his lips brush hers and then he was kissing her with almost bruising force. She responded but didn’t otherwise move. The knife against her throat was still a threat and she was well aware that one slip or false move would end her. He wouldn’t slip but even he was fallible. He drove into her as hard as he kissed her and she moaned into his mouth. The idea that there was an audience watching them was more thrilling than she had anticipated and, combined with the threat inherent in his knife, had her riding the edge more quickly than normal. He bit her lip and flared his barrier and she fought to keep herself still as she went over. He followed quickly behind her.

The knife vanished and he drew the blindfold up. She blinked up at him as her eyes adjusted and found him watching her closely. He seemed uncertain of her reaction, so she pulled him back to her and kissed him to reassure him that all was well. She whispered, “Well, I guess I’m yours now.”

“Indeed,” he said with a grin. 

She glanced toward the mirror, feeling suddenly self-conscious, and he said, “No one is actually watching. We are alone, Siha. Next time, perhaps.”


End file.
